So is this entry. Proceed with caution; you've been warned.
Living in a country where English is not the first or surest language of its inhabitants, I've learned a lot about language and the power that it carries. Mara, I think of you and your studies. Indians are comfortable with English, but their Mother tongue is Tamil in the south. Thus, I am often relieved when I get out on the streets, because I'm able to get away from the American English that is spoken in the flat. American slang is a beast that has a capacity for destruction that is intimidating. Americans cling to their slang language creations, but Indians have not done the same with English. Regrettably, I can't speak for Tamil. Regardless of what destruction is being done there, English is a much more pressing concern for me. Indians have, of course, picked up on words like Bitch, even if they don't use it with the same frequency. But there is one word of slang that I have heard repeatedly from my American peers that it kills me: rape.
"He raped my composition"
Rape. verb. to edit.
"My water bottle has been raped."
Rape. verb. to crush.
"No, wait, tell me that I won't be raped on the way."
Rape. verb. 1. The process through which the word has been stripped of its barbarity and been rendered inconsequential. 2. The process through which the pain of millions of women, children, and men has been stripped of its causticity and rendered trivial.
How is it that we can use rape synonymously with edit? "The woman that was raped, she obviously needed it. She was so flawed, imperfect. She may have been a virgin, or may have had sexual agency, may have actually enjoyed her sexuality. Or, maybe she felt too comfortable with her partner. Obviously, she is too trusting for her own good. She needed to learn this lesson."
It makes sense that we can use rape to mean crush. "She was raped by her partner; besides the physical cruelties, he also ruined her ability to love and trust, crushed her spirit. My roommate was raped; I'm crushed; I can only imagine how she feels."
Cock-sucker. Can you hear it? You hear the derision, the insult, the contempt, for women or gay men?
Wife-beater. noun. A shirt to be hidden and worn beneath formal attire.
I know exactly why words like cunt are being reclaimed by feminists. I know exactly why we need to start with things like the Cunt Coloring Book. We have to first take anger from the power word, make it childlike, and then claim it again. We have to take words like queer and make them safer than their academic cousins like homosexual. We have to make them words again, not conditions, anatomy, diseases. We need to keep them away from professionals in labs and make them functional again. Vagina. Have you heard that one? "God, Josh, you're such a vagina."
Bitch.
Pussy. noun. One who is weak or fearful.
"That is so gay." Only in my flat; only in American English.
We allow this. We, who may claim to embrace equality, actively prevent its realization with our words. Why do we create hatred in our slang when it is already so ingrained in our proper, formal language? Why is it that we use language trivialize rape? Think for a minute. Think about what rape entails. The humiliation, the dehumanization. The doubt. Think about what trivializing rape does to its victims:
She was asking for it.
What were you wearing?
She led him on.
She's just saying that for attention.
She just changed her mind after it happened.
But he's her boyfriend/husband/lover/partner. That's not rape.
But he's a man.
Rape, because of the way we use the word, has only become an act that exists in dark alleyways. It only counts if a man surprises and beats a woman to the ground. It only counts if she screams, fights, and walks away bleeding and bruised, if she can walk. Rape only counts if the victim is a virgin and only if she dresses like a nun. Rape only counts if the perpetrator is a minority, or a delinquent. Rapists don't get A's and they definitely don't participate in things like student government. This is because of the way we trivialize it. We make most rapes something that we can shrug at, like a crushed water bottle. Like the water bottle, it's only physical. Rape isn't connected to emotional, spiritual consequences. Now, thanks to our diction, rape is rarely taken seriously. And we choose that. Women say it and encourage it just the same as men. And I've learned how ridiculous this is, living in India, living with Americans.
PS. Susan Pelle, I want to hear from you. And I want others to hear from you. And I think it would be just lovely if you would comment on this post, being as feministy as you are. : )
Wow, I guess I'm old, or I've really been out of the States longer than I thought. I have never heard rape used in this flippant manner.
It's also a sign of how poor a person's vocabulary is. For example, swear words are often employed when someone simply does not know or can not think of the proper words to use. It sounds like the speaker has strong emotions about what they're describing, but obviously can't find the words which would actually be appropriate to match the level of emotion. Hence 'rape' is employed to convey the emotion of the speaker, however missplaced or over-dramatized that emotion may be.
Which makes me think of Americans' use of the word 'love'. At the opposite end of the spectrum, I find Americans 'love' everything and everyone. Drove me batty in college, because it devalued the word as well.
[In that regard Kristen, I have great respect for how long it took you to say those words to me. It meant so much to me.]
Yes, I guess I am out of the loop, too. I disagree that this word choice is about poor vocab, though. I'm not willing to just dismiss it and chalk it up to youthful ignorance. I think this is a choice and about flirting with dangerous words. But, language shapes our thoughts. I have seen similar trends and share Kristen's anger. I think it is a dangerous trend.
From this blog entry, your experience in India is reminding me of a Satre play. I can't think of the name of it, but it is about 3 people who have been condemned to hell. They are in this room for all eternity. On is an older, good looking man, a middle aged woman and a young beautiful lesbian. And they have only themselves and each other. It is very well written. You might enjoy its sharp wit.
Uh-uh, you know me, Ma, I'm not about excusing such behavior. It's wrong - that's obvious enough to us - it's our whole society that has poor vocab, word choice, etc. I'm just trying to think of reasons of how the choice of using the word 'rape' so casually may have come into existence.
The play is called "No Exit" by Sartre or "Huit Clos" in French.
America's slang vocabulary is reprehensible, at best. Unfortunately, most Americans who understand that word also read this blog. The best that I've come up with to respond to such derogation is to ignore the statement altogether and reply with a Ruhi quote.
"Beautify your tongues, O people, with truthfulness, and adorn your souls with the ornament of honesty."
No Exit, yes, that is the one. Thnaks. I remember reading it in high school and really liking it. Now, my parents really didn't like Sarte. At all. I think they didn't agree with existencialism. I'm not sure I understand it enough to say I agree or disagree, but his play touched a nerve. (oh dear! I have lost my on-line spell checker! Any suggestions?)
Ugh. I hate existentialist literature. And if Sartre is responsible, well, sorry but I have little reason to like him.
Knowing, Ma, that you didn't like Crime & Punishment I'd be surprised if you liked much existentialist lit. - almost all of it is about WWII and it is BLEAK at best. Which would probably explain why your parents didn't dig it much.
I will admit that No Exit is sort of bleak -- but then life in Kristen's flat reminded me of it. So it is useful. And it was very witty. I think. I am going on a 40 year old memory. That is a bit like you remembering the Falklands, no?
Mara, although you have a valid point about how crass vocabulary will often be used when a person is unable to express an emotion, often anger, I don't think this is what is provoking Jane Doe here in India. She's very intelligent and has no problem expressing herself, even in difficult situations. What I see happening here with rape is closer to what Maman has described. I think rape is misused as hyperbole in an attempt at humor. Because rape makes people feel uneasy, it is likely that they'll laugh out of sheer nervousness/anxiety caused by the word. I think Maman described it quite well as a flirtation with a dangerous word. Flirtation. I've heard this at Miami as well and I think this use of the word has gained acceptance there. More than the carelessness with which the word is used, the consequences of it are what have me upset. Everytime I hear that, my heart freezes (literally stops and feels cold) for her 1 in 3 friends that have been rape (or attempted) victims. Empathy for her two other sisters, her mother. All of the women in her family who carry around their own heavy hearts with their own (unfairly) shameful secrets, quiet about what has happened to them, letting Jane Doe live in ignorant bliss. I think of what those women must feel when they hear her. Her friends, strangers, maybe friends of her boyfriend. I'm just incredulous that a woman with numerous woman-friends can be so inconsiderate and oblivious.
Sorry if I wasn't clear, but that titillation aroused by using such a word is what I was referring to [the whole laughing out of nervousness/anxiety effect]. As in, that is the effect the speaker was going for - again no matter how missplaced that is.
And yes, Kristen, the effects of using the word 'rape' in such a context are simply devastating.
I hoped as much (and figured as well). Even if you were referring to a deliberate use of rape in an attempt at humor, you still brought up another misuse of words which drives me crazy. I really struggle to communicate with people, who, rather than expressing anger clearly and effectively (constructively), they scream and curse and use means of force, essentially, to prove their emotions. For whatever reason, I just don't respond to such threatening displays as well as I do to a articulate, if still frustrated and angry, statement. Hm.
I was asking around the Women's Center and no one hear has heard that term used either, but we really are not in the loop. It may be that this is particular girl's choice. Obviously she knows it pushes buttons, too.
Jane Doe, today, confessed to me that she has a fear of rape. I've a feeling that she may be trying to take the power away from the word. Trying to make it less of a big deal. The sad thing is that she's working against herself.
Makes me wonder what her past experiences have been. I feel her fear. I wonder what she is working through.
It sounds like you've really hit on something here - perhaps even a way for you and Jane Doe to connect and understand one another a bit better.
It does sound somewhat rational to 'dumb down' a word in order to get over a fear, no? If you're afraid of public speech what do you do? Imagine the audience naked. (for example)
I can't possibly imagine using the word 'rape' enough to get over the fear of it. What is not to fear about it? It's awful, horrible and ugly and it happens to 1 out of 3 women. We have every right to fear it - and in my opinion - to be damn angry about it too. I have a feeling taking some personal defense courses might be slightly more empowering, though (again, for example).
By the way, I've broken people of the 'that is so gay' habit before - it can be done (especially if they love you).
The way I came to reconcile myself with staying at Mount Union College was telling myself that I had a purpose there. I was there with people who'd simply never had "cross-cultural" experiences [in the sense that they didn't know anyone different from themselves] - and I could open their eyes a bit if I was open to that myself. I enjoyed my second 2 years at college much more than my first 2.
Maman, (Ma, Nannie, what do you prefer? I'm thinking about Amma, which is Tamil.)
Thank you for your honesty. "I feel her fear." I do as well. I think our culture teaches us that fear more than others. From what I know of Jane Doe, I don't think she had any "event" that has caused this fear. (She hypothesized that her fear was caused by her sister pinning her down and tickling/kissing her when she was a child. Not something that, to most, would cause a fear of rape). I'm inclined to think that she's just learned from our culture all too well. Or perhaps she has had an experience that she's afraid to name, especially to herself (not a pleasant thought).
Rape is also difficult because we're not supposed to talk about it. Thus, we'll also fear it because it is unknown. Most don't get to hear from survivors who have learned to live with rape, and I wonder if that would help to assuage the blind fear of it.
Mara, thank you as well for the insight about living at a college where homogeneity is almost a requirement. Mendon and I usually feel fairly isolated at Miami, and your comment makes me hopeful for the years to come.
Pet peeves for me when it comes to word choice are 'retarded' and 'insane asylum.' The first is used to laugh at people when they make mistakes, and that is not the attitude that should be promoted towards people with handicaps. (My younger brother Bill has multiple handicaps, which makes this issue bear special resonance for me.) As for the second, how many years has it been since there actually were places called insane asylums? People with severe mental illnesses are certainly not "insane," and they go to hospitals, not asylums, for treatment.
I feel your frustration with the word rape, and will add it to my list.
My vote is for Nannie. It was her childhood nickname & she has said that she'd like her grandchildren to call her that.
Making the switch now is a process I've been working at for some time.
I listened to a program on NPR a few months back on the way to work that reported on training methods for call center personnel that are being used in India. ( I won't digress into the outsourcing issue, most of our HP network level support personnel are in Inda ) But as a part of their training, the call center folks are required to watch American sitcoms on TV !! The logic is to familiarize them with American customers. I find this disturbing - extremely disturbing. What is worse is they are probably right! In the context of this discussion, it is a corruption of mind and culture. Mendon - your Ruhi quote is the path through the future.
And here's poor me thinking Lacan and Derrida were dead.
Words have the meaning to which we assign them. This allows local groups to form which redefine their linguistic environment to better reflect their needs. With no punishment for expressing devalued swear words, like fuck, shit and piss, new words are needed to replace them.
"Rape" has still had power and is slowly being softened - soon, it too will go the way of all things touched by the legion of Ellsworth Monkton Tooheys against whom Ken Smith and Lynne Truss, the French government and linguistic martinets everywhere fight.
I predict that "abortion" will be next, as a generic word for a bad thing. "That play was just a abortion, wasn't it?" people will say.
In any event, attempts to "reclaim" words like cunt only serves to alienate and divide - a kind of divergent linguistic evolution that only leaves two groups of people where there were once one, now separated by a common tongue that is not quite common.
Recommended further reading: "How the mind works" by Steven Pinker, "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand, "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" and "Junk English" by the authors mentioned in this comment and "Mother Tongue" by Bill Bryson.