December 2006 Archives

Brief Updates

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I had promised updates on my jury. It was fine. MY specific comments from the judges were largely that I should do more with dynamics and phrasing and that my vibrato should be more consistent through out the piece.

My girlfriend has been diagnosed with lymphoma with certainty, Hodgkins to be specific. She has started her first round of chemo this week and she is tired but hopeful. I, too, am tired but hopeful.

As for me, I'm hanging in there. I'm with my family, for which I'm grateful. We're being active, doing yoga, pickle ball, going for hikes. Overall, though, I'm surprised with how tired I am. I'm getting plenty of sleep, but I feel the looming effects of burn-out from last semester. I know that it's burnout from last semester because I'm having an incredibly difficult time practicing and doing the research that I need to do for my thesis. Even more than that, though, I'm completely burned-out on Christmas. I feel angry at the holiday, for whatever reason. I'm having a particularly hard time understanding my aversion, because last year while I was in Haifa with Mendon, I freaked out when I wasn't able to have Christmas be a special family day. (Actually, I made Mendon go out with me to buy KinderSurprise Eggs and then I also required that he, Mara, Mark and I go out to dinner to make it an event). My mood swings with the holiday confuse me. Hopefully, I'll find a better answer for next year's holiday season. In spite of this gloomy thought, I really enjoyed spending the day with my family and I'm thankful that I can be here.

ache

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Today, I was with a professor preparing for my jury (which I have to play in 90 minutes), and got the news that one of my best girlfriends has been hospitalized for a lump near her arm. It's likely that she has lymphoma. What a swift kick. I love her so dearly. It hurts so deep and so empty. She was going to play Sunrise, Sunset with me for Maman's funeral and support me through that time. She's been a close friend with me ever since we arrived here at Miami. We've had early morning Bible studies, hours and hours of tea, and generally as much love and support as a friendship can contain. Shortly after the news, I found myself playing through Mendelssohn, preparing for my jury, back to life and aching and mourning. What a potent, awful (awesome?) experience.

Thank you, loving husband, for hearing my need, bringing me home and safe, and helping me to get some of the empty out.

PS. The jury was just fine. I played well. I may give more of a post to how I actually did once I see my comments sheets.