You should read the last, ugly post that I wrote.
But, if you'd rather not, here's this one:
Today, as have been all of my days recently, was plain. Mostly. I woke up, went back to bed, woke up again. Remembered all of the painful mefloquine dreams that were keeping my sleep from being restful. I practiced Tamil, writing now, and my hands hurt. I went to lunch, ate with my hands, enjoyed it. Found out that I had good technique. Interesting. Came back, played violin. I was trying to get into a groove, a zone, a flow. I finished the first few lines of Bach's Sarabande and hear a knock at the door, timid. I stopped, he came in. "I'm coming in to listen." Declarative. I ignored him, but having him watch me from over my shoulder was completely unsettling and ruined any hint of concentration that I might have attained. This happens so often and it drives me crazy. Srini's students think that my practice is really my performance. They think that my bedroom, with the door closed, is a public performance hall. Ah! I'm trying to make sense of this all and I think it has to do with differences between Carnatic music and Western Art music. Or, it has to do with differences between musicians and non-musicians. It's really hard for me to practice when I have an audience; maybe most don't realize the difference between practice and performance. Except for Mensch; he thinks I sound unrefined everywhere but on a stage. Squwaky. Go figure.
In my sitar lesson, Sudharshan was dictating an exercise to me. I couldn't tell if he was giving me a collection of exercises or several lines of a larger one. Back at home, back in Western art music, a large exercise is called an Etude and I decided that this would be a useful term for my lessons. So, I let Sudharshan know that the longer exercises are called Etudes in the States. Aaay-tuude. Sudharshan processed this new word and then asked about Aaay-Wons. I look at him. He repeats. Aaay-Won. I'm noticably baffled. And then he says it. Aay-two. And Aay-one. And I can't help myself. I laugh at him, at his joke, an awful pun, which he can't even understand. I regain my composure and write it out for him. E-t-u-d-e. Realizing his humor, he creates a running-joke of an A-0 A-1 A-2 system for all of our exercises, scales and tunes. He loves it.
Laughter is good. Thank you for sharing.
So, you have a teacher again?
Hi Kristen!! I have been living vicariously thru your postings. What an incredible journey you are on, mentally, physically and of course spiritually. We think of you often and wonder what you are doing at the moment.
Your updates are wonderful, and I can feel the wave upon which you are riding. Enjoy the moments, we love and miss you! Can't wait to sit around some tea (or coffee?) and hear more!
Love, Jerry!
Laughter is good. I didn't know what I was going to post about, but knew that if I started, I would have something, so the title and the result weren't quite synchronized.
Rae, I still don't have a violin teacher, but I'm still learning sitar all the same. I've only 10 more days in which I can have lessons with Sudharshan (Ah!)
And Jerry, of course it would be you that would remind me that I wanted to make a comment about coffee. : ) The coffee here is usually good and cheap. It's reawakening my coffee addiction that I'd fostered in high school. This is a little concerning. But, coffee has reliably provided me with. . opportunities?. . . to reassess my understanding of hygiene. I've gagged on so many hairs (often long, hence the gagging) that have been delivered in wonderful cups of coffee; it's getting a little old. Usually, I can just ignore a hair in my food, but time after time. . .ah.
That's so great! I needed the moment of laughter, too.
Jerry described what I think we all feel so succinctly!
And being the French translator that I am I hope you don't mind me sharing the story with others!!!
Yeesh. Could I get any more exclamation points into that comment?
I read your comment from my "movable type publishing platform" and I was really tempted to change your ? to ! I have to exercise restraint in editing comments. There is just so much room for self-amusement there (unfortunately, at the expense of others).
Do signs on your closed door help? Do not enter, quarantine in progress! Something to make a person think twice, be creative. I know your mind is in a different place with practice vs performance. Keep smiling!