I want to have a beautiful entry for today. A grand thought which is worthy of your reading. I don't. I'm completely scattered, exhausted. A little broken. I'm in a place that is the story book setting. I'm reading a novel about The Other Side of the World, but I'm here. I walked through the town in which the story takes place. I ate in the bakery. I met the Syrian Christians that, according to the novel, have a large incidence of insanity due to inbreeding. The Other Side of the World. In my book I read about things that I cannot imagine and write off as creative flexibility. A few days later, these things are walking in my kitchen. It blows my mind. And I'm in a big city place. Where hungry people spot me and perk up, assuming that I am a free lunch for them. They follow me. Occassionally, they will grab my arms, hold me from walking. I don't have to be carrying anything on me, and they sense that my whiteness has bills hidden in it somewhere. A woman with glasses, casually talking to an auto driver spotted me today, abruptly ended her conversation and sprinted to me to beg. It is the most frustrating and saddening of situations. When I give to them, they are never contented, they will only run faster, cry louder, more, more, more. A man was talking today about how this is just a part of big city life. That the homeless are a part of every city of this size. That they're something that one just has to get used to.
I saw little boys today who are training to become monks. They were young and curious about their unusual visitors. I love the children here for the way they unreservedly make friends with a person. On the train to Kottayam, Kerala, I found a little boy that loved to make faces back and forth with me. His mother would pace with him, and he got to the point where he would cry if he wouldn't see me and where he was climbing over his mother to try to have me hold him. It was the most unusual and slightly embarrassing situation. It reminded me of my mother because of the way the she interacts with children. It used to embarrass me when I was younger, because I was always trying to be more mature and thought that maturity involved rejecting those who are younger than me (I was stupid, what can I say?). Now, I wish she were here to play with all of the babies. She would love it and love them. I fear that children, out of necessity, are neglected.
I am surprised that you haven't offered an entry earlier in your travels about being solicited for money. It is difficult to walk down the street in the border towns of Mexico and the U.S. without a large crowd of adolescent males chasing you and grabbing you for money. I've seen Americans ditch a crowd by throwing a handful of change on the ground - which only offers seconds of reprieve, and is obnoxious too. Unfortunately, there are those looking for the easy $$, the con - that's the person that will curse you as you continue to walk away - it is hard to find compassion and understand their actions. Poverty is definitely more apparent in the urban areas due to the need for $$'s to exist -
Yes. It's been particularly difficult for me lately for several reasons. One: I just got back from Kerala, which is rural. Two: I've been out walking more often. I've written a bit about the beggars previously. Specifically, the instance in which I was told that beggars rent babies. True or not, it was a disgusting thing to hear. Poverty is an ugly beast because of who is noticably impoverished. Old men, cripples, young women, children. There was a burn victim yesterday that followed me. There are babies that wait in Pondy Bazaar, only saying "Madam." As said before, if one gives to a beggar, more appear, and the initial beggar only becomes more persistent. More. more. more. It's punishment. Rather than thanking you, once they realize your willingness to give, they will suck your willingness and funds dry, or they insult you for your inability to give more. It's hard to give, knowing that result. It makes me want to avoid the beggars completely, the grabbing, the pleading, the babies, but I know that that doesn't do any good either.