I have. I used to be thinking about stress; it was all intellectual fluff over the GA with a plagiarism thorn. But now my mind has been on my volunteer hours. I've been thinking about the Rape Crisis Program. It's been as rewarding and educational as ever, but I've been dwelling on a call that has been a wee bit personal, more so than any of the others. Instead of having my mind run in silly circles over school and academia, I feel wounded. This call leaves something deeper churning, and hurting in me for my client. It's not unhealthy or distracting, but very present. It's a good sorrow because the light at the end of her tunnel is shining so brightly... but, that doesn't not make it sorrow. I'm working on creating beauty in the ache.
I reread Mara's email for me:
O thou handmaid aflame with the fire of God's love! Grieve thou not over the troubles and hardships of this nether world, nor be thou glad in times of ease and comfort, for both shall pass away. This present life is even as a swelling wave, or a mirage, or drifting shadows. Could ever a distorted image on the desert serve as refreshing waters? No, by the Lord of Lords! Never can reality and the mere semblance of reality be one, and wide is the difference between fancy and fact, between truth and the phantom thereof.
Know thou that the Kingdom is the real world, and this nether place is only its shadow stretching out. A shadow hath no life of its own; its existence is only a fantasy, and nothing more; it is but images reflected in water, and seeming as pictures to the eye.
Rely upon God. Trust in Him. Praise Him, and call Him continually to mind. He verily turneth trouble into ease, and sorrow into solace, and toil into utter peace. He verily hath dominion over all things.
If thou wouldst hearken to my words, release thyself from the fetters of whatsoever cometh to pass. Nay rather, under all conditions thank thou thy loving Lord, and yield up thine affairs unto His Will that worketh as He pleaseth. This verily is better for thee than all else, in either world.
(Selections from the Writings of Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 177)
'Abdu'l-Baha's words ring so true. Every time I read that quote it is as if I am being re-grounded, solaced, repaired. My mother's cancer has profoundly deepened my relationship with God and my understanding of what it truly means to Rely upon God. I am only beginning to understand it.
We're going to go spend the day in Bahji today. Our pilgrimage is over and we're taking the rest of the week off. You'll be in my prayers. Lots of love to you and Mendon.