For Crying Out Loud

I'm going to meander, so bear with me. I may eventually get to a point.

Or not, as the case may be.

The weather here has just been gorgeous. This is my favorite time of year and this year has been especially favored. The weather has been in the 50's, so cool, but not too cold. The cool weather helps the flowers to last longer, so the display has been spectacular. And we have had very few April Showers. I suppose this isn't so good for the plants, but it has been really nice.

I heard on the radio yesterday (don't tell Daddy) that Cleveland averages only 60 cloud-free days per year. The radio guy was afraid that we were using them all up now and wouldn't have any left for the summer. He also said Cleveland was the 4th cloudiest city in the US. Nice to know I'm not totally crazy, but then, I suppose I have gotten used to it.

I made a rhubarb pineapple pie for Feast last night. It was a big hit, though I wasn't happy with the bottom crust. It got all mushy. Anyway, I used one fresh pineapple (nothing can touch them for taste!) and about a pound of rhubarb from the garden, 3/4 cup of sugar, bit of cinnamon and some flour to thicken it. I think I need to find a better thickener, maybe tapioca? (I read, but didn't save an article on the right thickener to use for which type of pie and why. Now I wish I had saved it, but I probably wouldn't be able to find it!) Then I put on a crumble topping. Next time, I think I should prebake the pie crust and maybe even cook the filling on the stove top to prevent the soggy bottom crust. When served, we added just a little dollop of whipped cream. Yummmmmmm!

I went to the Clinic for chemo on Thursday, but flunked the blood test again. I know Dr. Pelley tells me not to worry, but I can't help but feel that I am failing at something here. I know there is nothing I can do or eat that will increase my white blood cell count, but it still feels as though I am somehow deficient. And also as though I am not getting the full benefit of the medication, though he reassures me otherwise.

Daddy is all but finished with school. He has one more test, but not a final, next Wednesday, then clinicals on Thursday and Friday. Then he is done. What a relief for him. He is much more relaxed.

I've been trying to find out what kind of clematis we planted in our front yard a few years ago so I know how to prune it, but I think we have some sort of a problem with it. It dies back totally and it isn't supposed to. So instead of getting big and showy, it is sort of whimpy. Wish me luck in my search.

Posted by Maman at 11:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

That is what my cancer support group calls it; Daddy calls it Gemzar Brain. Same thing and it has to do with brain fog.

So what leads to this entry? Well, I thought I was losing my mind. I have a cute tin that Rachael had given me with some soap in it years ago. I used the soap and filled the tin with my knitting tools: folding scissors, needle caps, measuring tape, stitch markers. I use it all the time. I can not knit without it. Well, I can, but I run into problems, like nothing to cut my yarn with or knitting, knitting, knitting and not knowing when to stop.

I was knitting last week on my purple top. (Purple is my new color. I have been attracted to it for a while and now knowing that it is the color of the ribbon for pancreatic cancer cements the attraction.) I had gotten to the point where I needed to measure to see when to stop . . . and I couldn't find my little tool kit! Anywhere! It was so frustrating.

I looked everywhere. In all my knitting bags (by the sofa -- four), under the sofa, under the sofa cushions, on the coffee table, because I remembered that that was the last place I had used it. Nowhere! Daddy looked -- in all the same places, just to be sure. We even checked the dining room and the mantelpiece. Nothing.

Then I was on the phone with Mensch last night, and he started to talk about a knitting gift and I heard Kristen say, in the background, 'bag' and then I remembered! I had put the little tool tin in yet another knitting bag (which was not in the living room) to take to Barb TQ's to work on my knit pancreas! It was there, lost no longer. But . . .

I couldn't find my glasses. Yes, the ones that hang on a chain around my neck, those. Well, the good news is, I found those this morning. So I can see and I can knit and I can see to knit. Chemo brain is conquered! For now.

Posted by Maman at 2:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

and all is well. My energy is returning and I have been working part-time these last two weeks. I will return full-time next week.

I will be starting a new round of Gemzar next week, ending on May 4th so I have a full two plus weeks to recuperate before our trip to the Grand Canyon. When we return I will start the last round which will end June 15th. After that? Who knows? I mean, that will be the end of my therapy. As I understand it, I will have a scan to see where we stand and to serve as a baseline against which to compare future scans. But then it will just be wait and see.

Oh, and I have switched chemo to Thursdays so it won't interfer with my teaching on Wednesday nights. I tend to feel a little tired on the day of chemo and the next two days.

Posted by Maman at 6:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

I just wanted to update everyone that I am feeling much better. I sort of care about life again! That is a real victory.

I stopped radiation a week ago today and stopped taking my anti-nausea meds on Saturday. What a difference! I stayed awake all day Saturday, visited with Ruth Twaddell for several hours, talked on the phone for several hours, did laundry, changed the sheets on the bed -- and made supper! It wasn't anything terrific, but I had been talking to Nathan and he had been making and eating 'breakfast' with a friend for about 6 hours and it inspired me to make French Toast. I know that sounds like a regular day to most of you, but it was a day I hadn't seen in over a month.

Then on Sunday, I swept the front and back porches, went out to dinner with Daddy, bought some red current bushes and heeled them in the garden until we can deal with them. Then we watched two episodes of Firefly. Again, I stayed awake all day. These are real victories.

And today I am doing some Women's Center work from home. Everyone has been so supportive, so I just wanted you to know I was doing better.

Oh, and all the marks that will wash off my tummy have! My fingers are still peeling, but I find that after about 3 days, it all blends and heals pretty well.

Posted by Maman at 1:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)