For Crying Out Loud

Well, here's to leaving the worst level of hell behind us.

For now. I just don't know what the future holds.

4 years, 9 years, 12 years, these are longe periods of time. They are also short.

Developmental psychology suggests that people acquire math skills and an understanding of death as final and total at about the same time. I don't remember the day, but I remember the general time period when I managed to put together death and a little bit of math. I was probably about seven years old when I realized that, unless my parents outlive my siblings, I will have less time with parents than my siblings, regardless. If we consider that most people aren't really able to converse with their parents on an almost equal level until they are about seventeen, I've only had four years of an adult relationship with maman and papa.

Perhaps, it's that I've had less quality time with them. Perhaps, I've had more quality time with them because I was winning the time/ratio college attrition race (i.e. siblings were going off to college). But there's something in me, at the core of my being, that says that I can let them go whenever they need to. Somewhere, deep in my emotional core I hear a small voice telling me that I will never be ready to lose either one of them but being ready for and weathering the storm are two different things. I don't feel jittery about death with my parents. I feel a quiet acceptance of whatever happens.

Maman, I think that the only thing I need from you is the promise that you will always love me as much as you do and have, wherever you are. I love you.

Hey, Maman!

I made you a necklace.

And you'll never guess who lives around the corner from me - Alexander McCall Smith, the guy who wrote the Ladies Number 1 Detective Agency books. And he's in an orchestra with my friend Cat, the Really Terrible Orchestra (RTO). They don't really practice all that much. Anyway, I've been unsuccessful in trying to get a CD of RTO, but I managed to get him to sign his latest Mma. Romotswe book.

I'll send it to you, with the necklace, but I'm soooooo lazy about mailing things that it might take some time.

Love you!
- Nathan

Mendon, and all of you, actually: Be assured of my love for all of you, now and forever. I can still feel my own mother's love as I go through this ordeal. I hope my love can reach you the way hers has me.

Nathan: You made a necklace?!? Wow, out of what? I am curious. And I am excited to read the most recent LDA book. I read the first three or four then I was waiting for the others to appear on their own, I guess. Well, all come to he who waits, no? I really enjoyed the first ones. Don't take too long to send it. Or you could bring it on your next visit.

Rae went to one of my knitting blogger's book signing and bought me a book, had it signed with a personal message, and sent it to me. I already received it! I am so excited. I want to knit some things for the future. I am trying to figure this out, because I want to leave you each some things and yet, I want to leave you things you want, not some useless, ugly, godforsaken thing that you look at and think, 'Whatever was Mamma thinking!' I was thinking baby blankets, and if you don't have babies, I suppose you could use them as lap robes. I don't want to take orders, exactly, but I suppose some feedback would help.

I've got to admit, I'm with you on this one: Nae, you made a necklace?!?!?! I can not wait to see it! And that is soooo cool - oh yeah, I just happen to live around the corner from Alexander McCall Smith! NO WAY! So awesome. I've heard of the Really Terrible Orchestra - maybe in an interview with Mr. Smith.

As for knitting, Maman, I certainly have no objection to baby blankets, but I have a feeling I'd also like things for, umm, me. And I haven't noticed much useless, ugly, godforsaken knitting from you (okay, those hobbit socks for Aunt Cindy were sort of hideous, but then, I know you'd never, ever make those for me - it's not my color!)

[I think it'd also be sort of cool to have a few kid sweaters at different ages we can all pass around and torture our children with, heeheehee]

In defense of the hobbit socks; they were made to order, Cindy's orders. Her colors, her choice of yarns, her choice of pattern.

We shall continue to consult on this matter.

Um, I got a book for Mara, too. Plus I liked hearing him say "Mma. Ramotswe," which is pronounced just like it looks, a sort of "Ma" but with the M held just a little. Mma. Just like that.

I made the necklace out of bits of coral, hematite, painted wooden beads, two very, very small green glass teardrops and a single large oval of green stone that Daddy will know what it is and some tigertail and a clasp. The clasp was SO COOL that I had to buy it. Like many things that are SO COOL, it's not really practical. You might need some help taking it off. But it will LOOK COOL. I'll put a picture up on my blog.

I was inspired by this photo of Mimi and what I remember about her jewelry. I can remember she used to have this kind of color scheme in rusts and greens and golden, and this necklace that looked like sharkteeth, and I thought I'd call and ask about it and try to meticulously re-create this necklace, then I thought - "Sod it; I'll never do that because I'm too lazy" plus it seemed it would be kind of cool to just see if I could make the image I had in my head, so I just made it.

Love you!

Well, since you enjoy his speech please feel free to use me as an excuse to go over and chat. Bring the second book in the series with you while you're visiting:)
But if you don't want to impose on this fella- just pass along the message that all the girls in your family enjoy his novels. Perhaps the thing to do is come and visit and meet him myself!

I totally agree, Rae!