Everything, Nothing, and I'm a Middle Child

I really wanted to share this picture. I took this picture with our fancy shmancy camera. I didn't think I could take a good picture with it 'cause I didn't know enough - but, tada! This is a kitten that is a month or two old on the stairs behind our flat. He was born to a white cat, with two white siblings ... so, I guess we know what the Daddy looks like, right? They were all so adorable! One of the white kittens kept trying to clean himself with his paws, but he'd push himself with his paw and just fall over! Oops! He'll learn eventually how to do it without falling over... heeheehee!

Posted by at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

We've been hanging out recently with the Twaddells and Malakootis and it has been so much fun to see friends from home.

It's also been a nice, reassuring reminder that home still exists and my family hasn't just floated into cyberspace to chat with me on our blogs on occasion.

Tomorrow we're going to host a brunch with them all and Quddus Nasseri, who also serves here, and with whom, it turns out, I drew on my parents' walls with BIC pens when we were itty-bitty. I don't know, but I think my Maman might just have a wee grudge still about that :-)

Mark, by the way, swears he never did that as a child. Anyone know otherwise? :-)

Posted by at 10:01 AM | Permalink

I am happy.

And oh-so-busy. None of the other French translators are around this week and boy do I feel it!! Though I do love that I get to do nothing but translate for a few days! :-)

Gotta' run.

Posted by at 9:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (15)

These are just some of my random thoughts on weight. Please do not take this personally.

I started this a few days ago, and apparently, it's time. Why my regular commentators have decided to all share weight and food issues this week I don't know, but apparently, it's been on our minds.

First of all, I am writing this on the premise that my mother is not to feel guilty.

Are we clear?

Really?

Because if not, don't continue, okay?

Okay.

I kind of hate that weight is an issue. With anyone, but especially with myself. For one, no one else in my culture seems to think I'm allowed to be - let alone whether I should be or not.

I would never, and never do, go around telling people they are fat or need to lose weight. And I really, highly dislike that people feel so free to comment about my weight. I've heard it all - that I shouldn't gain weight, that I should lose weight, that I should gain weight. I've been told, "you haven't gained weight! Good. Make sure you don't." Uh, thanks? Then there are those who complain what seems like endlessly about their own weight and tell me I look great. What do they want? I can think of nothing - at least nothing sincere, to say. Do they really want me to say, "oh, but you look great!"? They've just announced they don't. Even if I do think they look great, they won't believe me. How futile. Gah!

However, and that in mind, I've recently gained 5 pounds. 5 stupid pounds. In fact, it looks to me like I've gained 5 pounds but the scale has stayed the same. Did I lose it from somewhere else? Hm, maybe muscle. See - I'm just as psycho about this as the next person. Or at least the people I've described above. I'm totally trying to watch what I eat, and have become much more serious about exercising regulary - like I was before I came to Israel.

I've weighed 135 pounds since I was in high school. Seriously. That was a decade ago. Am I that worried about 5 pounds? Should I be? Well, American culture definitely tells me I should. I'm not sure I buy that, but then ... so many Americans are obese it's ridiculous. I can't judge what I think by American culture it's so convoluted about weight.

The doctor here recently told me eating sweets (candy in particular, I think) might help my migraines (see what I'm dealing with?). He said, "you don't have a weight problem, eat sweets." Umm, does that mean I should have a weight problem? That was one of those dumb, surreal, weird statements ...

More than that, something that my sister brought up, is that cholesterol and high blood pressure runs in our family. It's something we should watch, and that is totally another ball of wax. Somehow, eating well to in order to avoid those problems in the future feels good to me. I've watched my parents struggle with this, and thinking that I could avoid that makes me feel good. Like I'm making my parents proud by learning from them. I have time to make my own, new mistakes :-)

Okay, so, I know my weight is in a "normal" range. To skeptics out there: I weigh too much to be a model, okay? I'm not anorexic (yup, get that comment, too). Here's a question, though. Are my thoughts and behaviors more anorexic than anything? The way I'm careful with food, and so rigid about not gaining weight... Okay, I do not want a bunch of people to comment on me being anorexic - not helpful! But, umm, you can comment about the other stuff, is that okay? Cool.

Posted by at 4:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)

Have you ever forgotten about something and then when you rediscovered it you were all happy inside?

Yesterday I was putting away the groceries and discovered a bottle of one of my favorite drinks here (nothing exciting, just iced tea) that I'd forgotten that I'd bought. It just made me happy to see it and know that I had it in my house, available to me. Nothing life-changing, but then when you live half way up a mountain, having items in your house is much more convenient than either walking up the hill, or down... just to come back up.

I remember finding a $5 bill in a winter coat once as a kid - left over from the year before. It made me so happy I started trying to do that at the end of every winter. Except, sometimes I forgot to do it ... and then I was let down the next year when I discovered I'd forgetten to do it!! So much for 'planned spontaneity'!

Posted by at 4:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

I am so happy to be here.

In Israel. Where I am illiterate.

But yes, I am really happy. I am not being sarcastic.

I love my job. I can't imagine a job where I could be happier. That has it up sides as well as it down. I am currently a French translator for the Baha'i World Centre, as well as the facilitator for the European languages [which really just means I'm the intermediary between the other translators and the coordinator & I (am supposed to) work on staff development]. But this means that 1. I get to use my French skills, which shortly after 9-11, my hopes of ever being able to do that in the near future had been seriously dashed; and 2. I get to work on my management skills. I do enjoy management, but I also know that I need serious skill-building in that area. The moral leadership work that Mark and I are getting deeper and deeper into is helping me with that.

In fact, not only does it help me in my job, but it helps me in my marriage, my friendships, my family, etc. because it really teaches you how to be a good, effective human being. And I can take everything I learn and apply it everyday at work and at home.

The down sides to that? Well, I can't imagine ever being this satisfied with my work ever again. But then, who knows, maybe I'll go home, have children and stay at home to help develop their moral leadership skills :-) I could probably find some satisfaction there, don't you think?

But I'm also blessed because I am living in the Holy Land. And despite the very hurt, confused, and painful things going on here right now, it is still just that. To so many people. It's amazing to think about, really. A central location for Jews, Christians, Muslims and Baha'is. Hmm, something to that perhaps? Hmm.

In any case, I get to go to the Shrines of the central figures of the Baha'i Faith on a very regular basis. Out of the millions of Baha'is in the world, I have somehow become one of the privileged few who get to do that more than once every 7 years, let alone in a lifetime. [that's referring to a 9 day pilgrimage Baha'is can make - and the current waiting list is about 7 years long]

There is such a wonderful, positive spiritual energy here. I feel very safe here, in more ways than one. I feel very nurtured and loved here. I'm not [as] afraid of making mistakes simply because there are so many people around not only to catch me when I fall, but to lovingly help me get up, dust myself off, and get going again.

There's a young woman here from Argentina who clearly knows my family in Argentina and loves them very dearly [whether they know that or not]. Every time I see her I am so happy. She simply glows she's so happy to see me - she's just oozing love from her pores.

A young woman in my office from Kazakstan shared her nickname with me, so I call her that when I see her. Again, she simply glows! And just from that small gesture we have grown closer. Few people here call her that, and it seems to make her very happy to be called that.

A young man from Nepal is always out tending the gardens in the morning when Mark and I walk to work. We all say good morning to each other, and are so happy to see each other. You'd think he could be tired because he starts work a bit earlier than we do, he could be hot because it is quite hot in the mornings here ... but no, he always has a wonderful, happy smile on his face.

I like being here. And yes, there are others here who are a bit older... but I'm going to go watch Kill Bill 2 now. I'll tell you about a particularly special one for me later. She's another French translator, and she's sending her children off to Canada for college in 2 weeks. They were born and raised here.

I hope I haven't burst your bubble. hee hee hee!

Posted by at 7:01 PM | Permalink

Sometimes I feel very conflicted. I'm here, in the Holy Land, at the Baha'i World Centre ... and I don't seem to have the time to do anything meaningful outside of work because I'm so busy just trying to live - kill ants & tarantulas, make sure our neighbor isn't encroaching on our property, mopping the floors [of all the house work, I dislike that the most!! Darn Swiffers really spoiled me!], etc.

Ah, you caught the tarantula part? I didn't think I'd be able to get that by you. Yes, Mark and I encountered and killed our first tarantula last weekend. The sweet joys of 'firsts' experienced with the love of your life....

Yeah, it was in our bathroom, and no, I'm not kidding. Yuck. The unfortunate thing was that Mark and I had just finished gardening for the afternoon and needed to shower. It took me about 3 hours to work up the nerve to shower. I don't think Mark showered until the next morning. He's not exactly a spider person - I'm usually the one who kills the spiders in our house. Except I felt I had every right to leave this one to Mark. And I did. So much for feminism, equal rights, blah, blah, blah. When big, bad, scary things enter my world I'd rather have someone else - ANYBODY else - do the work for me. Of course, I did kill a foot-long centipede in Guadeloupe. *shrug*

Our neighbor has retreated from our property, but not without some comments. He wants to repair our fence, which, admittedly needs to be repaired, but here's the issue: in Israel there's this bizarre law somehow that if you start putting your property on somebody else's property, eventually they won't be able to kick you off - it'll be your property [it doesn't take long]. Like, my bike, my boxes, my tools on your lawn, and - poof, it's mine. Okay, that's probably a little simplistic, but not much. So, I guess I'm just trying to be extra careful as I would hate to find out that because we were lax the Baha'i World Centre either lost property or had to go to court over it. Oh, and he also swears that a pile of wood and trash on our property isn't his. Except, well, then whose is it? We put everything out to be collected by the city, so...? Erg!

Oh, mopping and ants. We found ants in our bedroom last night. Now before you go assuming things about our hygiene, the only 'food' that enters our bedroom is a glass of water. These insects are just everywhere. Everywhere! Of course, keeping your home clean keeps you relatively insect free, but totally free of bugs is a major feat here. And comparatively, we don't have things too bad. We don't have cockroaches (knock on wood), and I know plenty of friends who do.

I will definitely NOT miss these insects when I leave. Man, I so did not count on a tarantula when I came to Israel. If someone had suggested leaving the day we found the tarantula, I would have been hard pressed to convince myself to stay. Ugh! Still gives me the creeps to go into the bathroom!

Posted by at 10:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I think that sometimes I have so much going on inside my head that some of you would be stunned at how much time I just spend thinking about things - most of them utterly inconsequential, of course.

Let's see. Instead of sharing in depth these thoughts, here's a list:

1. Babies (my coordinator would be horrified to see that at the top of the list! Of course, it's nice to know he likes me enough to want me to be around for a while.)
2. What's next? (which includes babies, but also: where will we go when we leave Israel? What kind of work will I do? What will Mark do? Will he go back to school? Will I go back to school?)
3. What's for dinner?
4. We're co-facilitating a moral leadership course ... ah! me? a moral leader? am I person who likes the idea, but would rather leave it to somebody else to DO? (err, yes, very much so) Do I feel stupid when I'm in front of people & they don't get what I'm saying because I haven't explained it effectively? YES! Ah! Did I do that last week? YES! Do I want to show my face ever again in that class? AGH! NO! Is it tomorrow? YES! AGH!
5. Erg, neighbor is trying to overtake some of our property - gah! Don't want to deal with it!
6. Dead tree in back yard... I think it's dealt with. I hope so.
7. Felt I was treated disrespectfully by someone here. It's the Baha'i World Centre. This does not feel good. How do I deal with this? Do I share the responsibility? Was I rude to her? If I go to her coordinator (it was in a work capacity), what would the result be? Confrontation, and then she'd be upset? What am I seeking to get out of this? Can't I just kick her in the shins and be done with it? [hahaha, I'm sorry, I just had a vision of the days when I used to work with some inner city girls and how they dealt with interpersonal issues! hahahah!]
8. Am I just drifting? What am I doing to grow? Develop? Become a better person? What could I be doing differently?
9. Do I dress well enough at work?
10. Do my co-workers like me?
11. Is the laundry ready?
12. What do I think about?
13. Is it time for lunch?

Just some thoughts. :-)

Posted by at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)