Accelerated Adolescence

Mara was wrong... once

Mara, you have it all wrong!
I remember when we were little, Mara would say, 'You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can't pick your friend's nose!"

Well, last night, Kristen and I were sitting on the sofa studying and I looked up to notice that she had a little booger on her nose. Swift as lightning, faster than Tom Cruise in Cocktail, I snatched up the booger and disposed of it. NO! I DID NOT EAT IT!

It just goes to show you that people can be wrong. There really has been something interesting enough to post on.

Kristen is correct, though, there have been a few instances that are humiliating enough for everyone to be able to laugh about them.

After the first week or so at Lakeland I had to drive down to Oxford to go to Miami's orientation. It was a very entertaining event. I watched a large group of students in training prance around like peacocks grooming and displaying their plumage. You could see the sheen of Pond's medicated skin cream reflecting off of everyone's face. They paraded around in their plastic middle-class lives with their suburban white middle-class names like: Ken, Barbie, Kelly, Jake, Hillary, Heather, Austin... The greatest depth and value to be seen was the occassional penny tossed into their reflecting pool lives. Needless to say, I loved it and fit right in... ...
Then, I came back and, in 'Dublin' Ohio spent some time with Kristen and her roomate (they spent some time together that weekend). It was all fun and games until I found myself distractedly playing with what I thought was a laser pen and Kristen thought was a maglight. It looked exactly like a maglight, only, it didn't have a light on it or a place to turn it on. So, i figured that it was a laser pen. It had a little button at the end of it and a small hole on the other end. I thoiught, this is probably a really powerful laser pen.
So, what do I do? What do i always do? I always do the dumbest thing possible, it's a good thing i'm not a criminal because I'd have been on a bad television show several times. I play with it. I finally release the safety catch (thinking all the while that it must be really powerful because it has a safety catch). Fortunately, I'm not one of the malicious 'play with other people's stuff' personages. I pointed the laser at my abdomen and press the button to complete the circuit and... spray myself with peper spray!

I can tell it's pepper spray before the roomate shouts, 'O MY GOD, THAT'S PEPPER SPRAY!' This is, apparently, really funny to Kristen because both of them start laughing before they realize that they had to clear out of the room. they were a little warm for the rest of the afternoon from breathing in that, i'm sure. Me, on the other hand. I mostly just got it in the nose and a bunch on my stomach. My nose was on fire (which almost brings us back to the nose picking issue with Mara) and after a little while my stomach roared out in a rash. ouch. All I could think of, while apologizing to the Simpson family, profusely, was, 'My goodness the kids on the playground were right, I really am a dumbass!'

Posted by Mendon at June 24, 2004 9:24 AM