Before I got pregnant, I couldn't fathom those pregnant women who worried about weight gain, how they looked pregnant, etc. I would look at a pregnant woman and be awed by her beauty and the process.
My mother has a saying, "you're comparing your insides with my outsides" - you know, judging a book by its cover. For example, come visit us. Check out my mother. You'll walk away thinking, "she has cancer? but she's so healthy!"
Well, now I'm pregnant. Being on the inside of what I used to judge from the outside, I've gained a bit of perspective. Yes, being pregnant is an awe-inspiring process. However, there are definitely trials to having your (YOUR) body expand in ways previously unthinkable. And you can't know everything that is going to happen in advance for two reasons: 1) there's simply too much that happens to know it all and 2) every woman is different and so is her experience - each time she's pregnant. Not all of it is comfortable. I've never had to exercise so regularly simply to be able to make it through the day without too much achiness.
Last night, Mark said, as he often does, "I love you" and I caught myself thinking, as I walked into the kitchen, "even the waddling version?" I guess that's when my previous outsider thinking made the connection with my current insider thinking.
Mommy always said with each pregnancy and delivery that it, the whole process, was the hardest work she ever did. I have always been in awe of your mother's courage and ability to make a home of our house for each of you. Each being unique and special. Remember the special plate? the birthday dinners? The personal rooms as each of you left the home for parts elsewhere?(school, marriage, other countries.......) And I truly marvelled at her beauty while being pregnant. Her skin was always so perfect then too, silky smooth, never a blemish. I wonder if she remembers it too?!
Another reason I found for not really being able to predict/understand what was going on was that it seemed so unbelievable! Unfathomable. Like, that is going to happen to my body!? No way. Can't be. Oh! it is! It just seems so unreal.
In a strange way, I feel the same way about the cancer. I mean, of course, it is totally different; but what is the same is the way one's body is not one's own and one is not in control of the process and things precede according to a plan not of one's making. Sorry to sound so detached; I'm not. I know this is happening to me and to Mara. It is interesting to see the parallel. A person can have several reactions. I chose to go with the flow and see where this river was going to take me, both with pregnancy and with cancer.
EVEN the waddling version???
ESPECIALLY the waddling version!!!
love amelia
and the weirdest part? AFTER you have the baby, you have to get used to your body being "empty" again! right after having akeva, i felt amd looked like a very large deflated balloon :) and i have to keep reminding myself that this beautiful little bundle i get to carry was once inside of me... because it seems truly impossible! enjoy your growing bump... and the waddle ;)
of course the waddling version! mark is in love with his woman... all of her!
and especially now that you is gonna be parentals! woooooooohoooooooo!
i try to imagine, after so much experience i've had (my mother birthing six children, me being alive for three of them), but, i know that I won't really get the directions and the stretching of the body until that day....
do you have more pictures.... more recent ones?
She really hasn't changed too much in the last few weeks, but we will try to put up some more recent photos soon.
Oh the waddling! With this third pregnancy I realized that I waddle because it is sooooooo comfortable! It really feels GOOD! I don't really understand why...Maybe it helps ease the stretching of hips, etc.? Maybe the baby likes to be rocked back and forth? Anyway, this time, I started waddling for the pleasure of it at about 4 months into this pregnancy! I remember how hard I used to try NOT to waddle with my first. Happy waddling, Mara!