I’m not the most excellent person in the world at dealing with anger.
Is rejection even an emotion related to anger? Yeah, I think so. I am angry that I have been rejected, I suppose. I think it is unjust, and well, I’m a big fan of justice.
I don’t think I’ll ever go to the Youth Photo again. This pains me slightly because it seems to be a joyful occasion for others (and I am considered a youth here – disconcerting in and of itself, but true). In any case, they have a youth photo here twice a year. Everyone is invited up the stairs of the Seat of the Universal House of Justice, and they take a picture (or about 30 is more like it).
Well, I’ve been here for 2 youth photos now. I was stood up at one and stepped upon (not literally) at the other. Gee, sorry, I didn’t realize I was your doormat… (grr).
After the youth photo, the youth break up into little groups, taking pictures of their own. Not that I’m ever asked to be in a picture, but whatever. Normally, I’d just leave anyway. But I always end up planning to meet someone there. So I get to stand around being invisible for a while. Yay. Fun. At the first one, the sole reason I went to the photo was to meet up with someone to watch a movie. I waited and waited. Until she walked off with someone else, with whom she fairly clearly had plans. Okay, whatever, I don’t need to approach her about it just to be told she has other plans – that’s apparent. No need to get trampled twice.
This last youth photo, I was also waiting for a group of people. Again, I stand there and wait while the others take oodles and oodles of pictures together. Again, whatever. Then, a girl comes up, starts talking to me, someone else comes up and says, “I should take a picture”, so we pose … and he just walks away. Okaaaaay. So she pulls out her camera and says, “we should still take one”, except at the same time another girl walks up – hands me her camera, and asks me to take a picture of her with the girl I was standing next to. Of course, no prob. I do – with each of their cameras. And then they both just walked away… ouch. That hurt. Me chopped liver? Having my foot stepped upon would have hurt much less.
Not that I think that someone not taking my picture is an injustice. It is the somewhat callous treatment I receive from others I find painful. I imagine they don't do it intentionally - if I've ever done it to somebody it certainly wasn't intentional. But then, I suppose that's part of it - do they think so little of me that they don't realize what they are doing might have an effect upon me?
Am I just grossly exaggerating and I should just suck it up and get over it? How do I even get over it? It's not as if it's even consequential enough to approach the individuals.
Some days, emotions just don't seem worth having.
Mara,
Not that this will help now, but it might be helpful to approach the people immediately or soon after you get stepped on/stood up/ hurt. I find that immediate action has been helpful. After being at work for a few months I thought I overheard my boss and others talking about me (I'm just paranoid) so Later that afternoon I talked to my boss and said I'd overheard them and wondered if they were talking about me. I brought it up as if I was looking for constructive criticism. It was certainly awkward, but now I know that they think I'm a good worker and that if they have advice or comments, they'll tell me in person. Turns out they were talking about a past employee (they didn't even say my name...as I said, I'm wicked paranoid). For a few days it was kind of awkward at work but we all get along just fine now. I'm sure with practice at being assertive, the awkwardness will go away (at least I hope!).
This may not be helpful, but as nerve wracking as approaching someone can be, it frees me from emtional burden in the future. As far as letting go of old anger...the only thing I have found helpful is meditating where I focus on my breathing. It's really relaxing and by the time I'm done I feel better. I don't know how permanent a solution this is, but it helps.
~Rae
As my mother used to say, "It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." Sometimes lighting candles can result in burns, but at least you can see and not fall off cliffs. Sufficiently obscure?
Yup.
Well, it sounds to me as though you are cursing the darkness (by being upset) and as though Rae has suggested lighting a candle (do something, shed some light on the situation). It probably wasn't a personal thing, more of a thoughtless thing. I love you and yet, I know that I have thoughtlessly done things that hurt you -- and didn't even realize it.
Mara! I'm so sorry! I hope to God I wasn't one of the people who were part of this pain, but I have a sinking feeling that I was... even if I wasn't, thinking about it now I'm sure I must have done it at at least one of the 5 youth photos I've been at. Part of being the thoughtless insensitive person that I am means that I don't even notice when stuff like this is happening, and just reading this makes me aware of it so that I can try and remember not to let it happen in future similar situations.... I'm so sorry.
Sometimes, though it may seem too inconsequential to mention to the individuals, it can be a big help anyway. For me for example, it may not be too wise to come up to me with something huge and say "Krisia, you're a selfish thoughtless......" because it would make me really defensive, no matter how selfish and thoughtless I am, however, when you bring it up with comparatively little (but no less painful) situations, it puts the message across in a less threatening way and gives the person the opportunity to become aware and improve.
As your wise maman has said, you have lit a candle for me here. It wasn't rejection, it was thoughtlessness. I love you dearly Mara.