Anyone Want to Study Me?
I swear I'd be a great study for a psychologist: what are the emotional repercussions to a woman when she is unable to have children? As that is the truth, as I have promised, in as much as is possible, to not have children for the next 2 years.
Interestingly enough, I wasn't particularly eager to have children prior to having made this commitment. It has turned my 'biological clock' into a time bomb.
Now, I think I'm beginning to think about children like those couples who experience infertility (and Mark is, too). Now, before I get lambasted for thinking I could relate to such an experience, my caveat: I recognize that this is different because we know there is an end. Of course, wouldn't that be ironic if 2 years from now we do have trouble conceiving. I won't go there...
Anyway, ... I find myself avoiding babies and children. I'm irritated with, what seems like especially single women, who send out "cute baby pictures". When friends tell me their pregnant - I force a grin, give them a polite hug and say "how wonderful for you."
I'm okay if no one else is around [in fact, when only 'normal' people are around, I love spending time with children]. I guess my fears revolve around people saying such inconsiderate things as "doesn't that make you want one?"
[do you WANT me to hurt you!?!?!]
Because, you know what? It doesn't. I don't need any convincing. Mark and I ache to have children, and will one day, but this is the sacrifice we've made to serve our Faith. And it was a sacrifice, which means that there are feelings involved.
Oh, I'm just going to walk away from this for now.
Comments
So should I send you the picture of Mercy and her baby, or would you rather not? I will do as you ask. And it isn't a whole 2 more years, is it?
Posted by: Maman | May 27, 2004 06:54 PM
So should I send you the picture of Mercy and her baby, or would you rather not? I will do as you ask. And it isn't a whole 2 more years, is it?
Posted by: Maman | May 27, 2004 06:54 PM
For heaven's sake!! Send me the picture!! Please!!
Posted by: Mara | May 30, 2004 07:05 AM
have a look on my blog. I think I can attach there. Donna and Sam came over for dinner last night and she brought the photos. I scanned them, so I have them too.
Posted by: maman | May 31, 2004 02:51 PM
Hey, Mara!
Daddy wants a blog, too, finally! I can't think of a good name, though, and he asked me to come up with one - or to consult with you and Rae and have the three of us come up with one.
Any ideas?
Hugs!
Posted by: Nathan Dornbrook | June 3, 2004 07:48 AM