A New Day
Today is a new day. Actually, when you think of it, everyday is a new day. But, I was not looking forward to today because today is the day I went to interview a new oncologist. I was feeling a bit gun (doctor?) shy and a bit worried that it was my lack of communication skills that had made my last "marriage" fall apart. (My former onc and I, we are no longer on speaking terms.) I harumphed around the house, emitting deep sighs every few minutes. Finally it was time to go.
Dustin came with me, thank goodness. We sort of keep each other focused. We both talked about my history and what we were not pleased with about my former oncologist. And the new one listened! And asked questions! And listened some more! And offered me printouts of my CT reports, my surgery report and my pathology report! Wow, what a difference. We discussed some options, and he was the first to admit that there really were no good options for me, though there are two chemos available. One is a drug in combination with Gemzar, which has already been ruled out because it lowers my white blood cell count to dangerous levels, and the other is an oral form of 5FU. I built up a toxicity to that the first time because I apparently lack the enzyme (TCP? TPT?) necessary to metabolize it. So I am not a good candidate for either.
We talked about what I want out of this process. I told him I understood I was going to die and most likely it would be from pancreatic cancer and sooner rather than later. I am okay with that. I'm not fighting it. I do want to be kept appraised of the progress of the disease and what options I may have.
We discussed my most recent surgery. I told him that I would have liked to have had an opportunity to discuss it either with him or the former onc (not an option; our trust levels were too low on both sides) before I had it. Was it time for it? Was it as step forward or a step back? He agreed that that would have been a useful discussion to have had. I didn't feel rushed into this surgery, but I might have waited if I had been able to have that discussion. The danger that I face is bowel obstruction. That was why they did the surgery (to avoid it) and why they might do more surgery. I did raise the question of how many times we were going to go in and untangle things.
Anyway, Dustin and I both feel more comfortable working with this guy. He is 15 minutes away and I don't have to pay for parking. He listens and asks questions. He understands that I am not looking to be cured, but informed. I hope it works out as well as I think it could.
Comments
I'm so glad you found some one to listen and treat you with respect.
Posted by: R.T. Bean | June 29, 2007 5:56 PM
I'm glad to hear this. After all of the trouble the last oncologist was, it gives me a little extra peace to know that you've found someone who will, at the least listen, and who will also educate beyond a hoped-for miracle cure. Thank you for the update, I would like to have more of them. Thank you for the (scary?) honesty, it's important to me, too.
Posted by: Kristen | June 29, 2007 9:21 PM
I am so glad you like the new guy. But I am sorry I have to read about it instead of hearing first hand at work. I miss you there! Looking forward to seeing you soon, my friend! Love, Gloria
Posted by: Gloria | June 30, 2007 12:55 AM
It's good to find someone who really listens & includes you in the decision-making. Apologies for not responding sooner - caught up with your blog again about 3 weeks ago(!). We were in Haifa for 6 weeks (just home now) - at least you've remembered in the Shrines.
Much love, noel
Posted by: Noel Broomhall | July 1, 2007 9:07 AM