For Crying Out Loud

Life is just so strange. I had the upper GI last Monday. I shared with you about that. But I didn't share everything. I had been experiencing some discomfort (read:real pain). I would eat and then feel like I had eaten rocks, distended and bloated. Miserable. I was actually looking forward to the upper GI because I wanted to get to the root of the problem. I had two nights of no sleep because it hurt so much. I went out on the sofa so I could be in a more upright position. Then I started to take the Darvacet. I didn't really want to tell you, because I didn't want to worry any of you. Even those of you who live with me. I sort of down-played the pain.

I had the test. I had to drink about a half gallon of barium (for real! 4 pints). I could see the problem on the screen, but of course, no one actually talks to me. I'm just the patient. (Future doctors in the family, take note!) But I did read some real concern from the radiologist. I called Dr. Pelley shortly after the test because I wanted to know the results. He left me a message; I chased him until he finally called me back on Wednesday. He hates delivering bad news, so I figured (correctly, I think) that he was avoiding me because of the test. What he said was that there was a blockage (slight) at the base of the stomach and otherwise unremarkable. He ordered a CT scan for Monday.

So I had the CT on Monday. I was feeling a bit better by then. Which is good. I like feeling better. I had even told Nathan that there were days when I felt like the doctors had it all wrong. Met with Dr. Pelley yesterday. Here is the deal. The tumor that was on my abdomenal wall in October is almost gone. "No evidence of metastatic disease." I had noticed that it didn't feel the same. I was wondering where it was going.

And there is no evidence of any blockage at the base of the stomach or upper small bowel. Very, very weird. None of us know what to make of it. Dr. Pelley then told me that the radiologist had called him after the upper GI, concerned that I was 2 or 3 days away from total blockage. He was expecting to find me with a large tumor sticking out of my abdoman, at the base of my sternum. If that was the case, I don't quite understand why he was avoiding me, but my guess would be that he didn't have anything to offer.

So, where am I now? Back to living my life, I guess. Looks like I will have to buy a car after all. Daddy and I are sending in our dates for pilgrimage. I'm trying to not second guess the stuff Mara and I have cleaned out of the house. It's gone. And it really was just cluttering up my life. Bad feng shui. I am going to keep going on this project; not for you guys, but for myself.

Does this mean I don't have cancer anymore? No, we still know that it has metastisized. But it doesn't seem to travel in the blood (according to Pelley yesterday. If it doesn't travel in the blood, how did it get to the abdominal wall?) and my body seems to be battling it. He was cautiously optomistic. Here is my take on it: It will still kill me, but in it's own sweet time. The next step is to watch and wait. I have another scan in February. We still have to be concerned about the intestinal blockage. I think this is my second go-round with it. I had similar symptoms in May. But we don't know what is blocking what or where it went.

He also asked me if I was doing any alternative therapy, I think trying to explain the inexplicable. Taking any vitamins or supplements. I haven't done anything out of the ordinary there. But I have had lots of family around. I think I must like the attention. I don't think that is why I got sick, but I think everyone's love and craziness has helped to keep me going. Thank you. What a journey!