For Crying Out Loud

Here is the rest. I haven't been feeling well for the last week or so. I really did feel fine when Mensch and Kristen were here. I am surprised at how poorly I feel and how quickly things have downturned.

I assumed that the pain was from the shingles, and Darvocet was taking care of it at first at night. I don't want to take Darvocet during the day. Remember? I have things to do. Now the pain is starting to overwhelm me during the day, too. I have a general feeling of malaise. I am going to try to see the doctor this afternoon. I don't know what she can do about it, but that is what I am going to go find out.

I have called Hospice and been accepted as a patient. That means that my PCP gave the order, saying that I have less than one year to live. I suppose that means she has seen the pathology report. She was reluctant to say this last time I saw her. They are coming to do the intake interview on Nov 17. The only reason that it will be so long is that I have put them off -- remember? I have things to do. I may call them to come earlier. I wanted Daddy and Mara to be here with me for that, but I may need them before that.

I also have an appointment for a second opinion on Nov. 21. I want to make sure I am not giving up too easily, but if I take part in any clinical trials, not only will I have to meet their criteria, the trial will have to meet mine. As I read the criteria for various clinical trials, I suspect that my low ANC will keep me out of most of them, even the one at MD Anderson (to cancer as Cleveland Clinic is to cardiac care) that involves large amounts of tumaric.

I'm sorry this is so disjointed. I'm sorry to burden you with this. It feels like a burden to me, anyway. On the other hand (I have so many other hands, it is ridiculous), I don't want you to feel that I am hiding anything from you. What I am really trying to do is deny it altogether. Not working very well.