Please forgive me
I was not totally honest with you in my last entry. I have my reasons, but I will clear the air first and then justify.
The reason that Dr. Pelley discontinued my chemo is that it seems to be destroying my ability to make white blood cells -- to the point where it is endangering my health and putting me at too high a risk of infection. It took three weeks this last time for my ANC (the part of my white blood cells that fight infection) to come back up to the bare minimum level. This is what they expect to happen in one week, which it never has for me. But it has happened in two weeks before and now took three. He doesn't know if it is from the radiation or if there is something else going on. Remember that the original reason that we started on this search was that my white cell count was low. This has been going on for over 3 years now.
What we are going to do is wait. I find that very hard, just waiting and not knowing anything. In July I will have my baseline scan. Why July and not June, I don't know. I think it may have to do with Dr. Pelley's vacation schedule, but I don't think it will make a big difference. At that point he will run a bunch of blood tests. If things haven't improved by September, then I go back to Dr. Silver, the hemotologist/oncologist who originally did the scan that found the pancreatic cancer. I would be going for a third bone marrow biopsy.
This really leaves me hanging and, I have to admit, a bit worried. So, that brings me to why I didn't tell the whole story in my last entry. I wanted to go on vacation myself and not be thinking about what is coming next. It didn't work very well, but I really did enjoy the trip (more in a later post). The other reason is that we just don't know what is coming next. It seemed pointless to worry everyone for maybe nothing.
Comments
Sorry if I rained on the parade in the last post, though this is much more along the lines of what I suspected was behind Dr. Pelley's decision.
Yes, I think I got the "I find just waiting and not knowing anything very hard" trait from you.
In good news, lots of mold is continuously being discovered - AND REMOVED - from our flat. We have, fortunately, moved temporarily, so Mark is overseeing the removal while I try to remain blissfully and un-stressfully unaware as possible. The stress of it all was literally crippling me.
So, in further de-stressing news, I am taking up pottery! The wheel, the kiln, the whole nine yards! I'm very, very excited. Don't expect to see any masterpieces any time soon, but I know this will be good for me.
By the way, are the Dornbrooks South coming to the States in July? I just got news (from Aunt Suellen) that Zayn has a little baby boy! I'm sad we'll miss them. . . .
Posted by: Mara | May 28, 2006 6:06 AM
Don't worry about raining on my parade. You just reminded me that I should never persue a career in diplomacy or news spinning or maybe that you should be a news analyst. Anyway, my pretending that everything was okay didn't really work for me, anyway. It sort of seems easier to deal with (ha! like I am dealing with it. No, but I am living with it.) now that it is on the table.
I'm glad your mold problem is finally being dealt with! It is so incidious. And it sounds as though, as they go deeper, they are finding more? Not really surprising. I told you Mike and Heidi had to be moved out of their house for over 3 weeks while all their work was done. And theirs never even got to the mold stage.
I think you will really enjoy pottery. I did, right after my mother died. My friends all told me I needed to do something for myself and that is what I did. I found the wheel very meditative. Then Rae and I tried it again the summer you were married and it seemed much more difficult; I don't know why. It may have been the instructor. Also the first one was in some lady's basement, strictly for fun. The second time was at Lakeland, for credit. Not that I wanted the credit, but it was a credit class, so was taught differently. Plus the instructor was Japanese, English not being her first language. Anyway, have fun. And who knows, maybe you will make a masterpiece.
I know Uncle Gene is coming up in about 10 days, for how long, I don't know. He is talking about finding a job, so it sounds as though he plans to stay for a while. No word on Aunt Suellen. I think Rahmat is having difficulties getting a visa for Isis, so I don't know when they will be back.
Posted by: ma | May 28, 2006 10:18 AM
I had a feeling that you might just be "finished" with the chemo for reasons other than completion, but I'm glad you got to go on your vacation without too much of this weighing on your mind.
I can't wait to see pictures and hear stories from your trip!
~Valerie
p.s. Your doctors have funny names. They sound like they're from Sesame Street or something.
Posted by: Valerie | May 29, 2006 10:31 PM
I'm not ready to deal with this issue yet but I've read it.
Posted by: Mendon | June 7, 2006 4:38 PM