My turn to weigh in on the whole weight issue.
First, I apologize for making my issue your issue. Not that I feel guilty, I've gotten over that, more or less. I think the whole mother/issue thing is that we do make our issues yours, or else you take them in and make them your own. I think as mothers, especially as a young mother (when I was a young mother) I didn't realize how vulnerable you all were to taking on my issues.
Anyway, let me share with you some of my thoughts on this issue.
First of all, I was a skinny kid. Like the brunt of a lot of teasing skinny. My mother used to try to fatten me up with bananas with brown sugar and heavy cream every day after school. First, I'm not really sure why she wanted me to be fatter (I think this was about 6th grade or the beginning of Junior high). Second, it backfired. I would come home and have my banana heavy cream but then I would be full and not eat my dinner. Not the effect she was looking for. Okay, so I was thin. Then I got married and was a skinny mother. I pretty much ate what I wanted to and ran around after 4 kids. Sure I put on about 5 or ten pounds, but that just brought me closer to normal. My clothes fit and I felt good.
Then I turned 35 and Mendon turned 3. I stopped running after him and carrying him as he became more independant. And I started to gain weight. Well, still no big deal, but then the size 16s were getting tight. I had started out as a size ten. I don't think it is unreasonable for someone my height to be a size 14, but I was not going to go into a size 18.
Now that was my wake up call, but not my motivation to lose some weight. I was gestational diabetic with at least 2 and probably 3 of my kids. That increases my chances of developing type II diabetes by something like 80%. The biggest factor in preventing type II diabetes? Weight control. Next, I have some arthritis in my back and toe and my knees have started to ache. Again, prevention? Weight control. Next risk in my family is breast cancer. Prevention? less well defined, but again linked to weight control. Let me see; my brother and grandfather both died of stroke/heart disease. Prevention? Again, weight control.
Do I hate all the hype and media hysteria focused on weight? Yes. Is there a good reason to keep fit and one's weight under control? Yes, health issues. Do I think the whole heart disease has been over done and the links not clear? Yes, but . . . I think it is just the conservative view to take the best care of your body. Over all, fit and a good weight, is just a good conservative approach to one's health.
Cooking Light. Nae, I imagine that you never did actually read any of them, did you? I sent them to you because I really liked the recipes. Some of their recipes are only "light" because you are only supposed to eat two or three bites. At first (years ago when they started) they focused on 'as good as the real thing" which is horrible. By the time I started reading it, they had switched to 'this tastes great', and the recipes that I tried did! You can love food that is less rich. There are great flavors out there. Not everything has to be fattening.
Now, my real battle is to get up off the chair and exercise! Getting fit is better for you than being skinny. Remember, my mother didn't think skinny was healthy. Neither does Gramma.
My love to all of you, in whatever shape you're in. I am again sorry for burdening you with my own baggage. I think I was trying to help you to not fall into the particular pit I had fallen (gaining weight and not realizing it), only to push you into another pit.
Comments
Did I mention that I got up to more than I weighed the day before Mara was born? And that I wasn't going to be having a baby anytime soon? I found that disturbing.
Posted by: Maman | June 20, 2004 12:22 PM
I think my struggle is similar in many dimensions. But then, I'm not to the point where it's a huge struggle... just slightly disturbing.
I'm mostly afraid that if I don't develop good habits now, that they'll be hard to come by later as well.
Posted by: Mara | June 22, 2004 3:25 PM
I guess that is the point I was trying to make with you -- I didn't have particularly good habits and when I needed them, I then needed to undo the bad ones. Develop good habits first. Don't do as I did. It is much harder to lose it than to not gain it. But I hate the whole obsession with weight, but my not being obsessed (when I was younger) lead to the weight gain. Vigilance.
Posted by: Maman | June 23, 2004 7:39 AM
maman, i'd like to point out that i was totally unaware of all of this until now. perhaps you did a good job of not informing me. Largely, what your children are obsessed with and are not is entirely not related to you. I mean, it's related to you, but isn't your fault.
First, once you are an adult it becomes YOUR responsibility for YOURSELF. if your children have weight issues they can blame you until they were maybe sixteen and had their rational thinking somewhat restored. If your children are fat, or skinny, or in good shape, or in bad shape, right now, it doesn't have much to do with you.
I hold MYSELF responsible for the condition that i'm in. You'll notice that I don't smoke, drink, or eat too much? I choose that, my choice. It doesn't have much to do with you or pappa. Who encouraged me to get fit? Nathan sort of did but he was getting progressively less fit all the while (not exactly a good role model).
Likewise, there is a man who studied learning. He says that what can be learned can be just as easily unlearned, we just have to be crafty about it. Burress Skinner offers that we can alter our behavior by altering the outcomes of the behavior. psychologists who have followed him have set up a few ways to help us deal with behavior that we want to change. some of it is being used in weight watchers and i would be willing to help you with it if you would like. by the way, it helps to have people you are around a lot be involved with helping you change things that you want to change.
Posted by: Mendon | June 25, 2004 3:27 PM