What to do when your Mommy asks for her Mommy
My grandmother had a dozen middle names.
She also had breast cancer and struggled with it for 13 years. And she left behind a tape. A single casette, a Sony tape. It's the only thing we have with her voice on it.
She made the tape for my parents in 1975.
Tonight, my mother asked us to play it for her. She wanted to hear her mother's voice again.
My father and sister dug the tape out and we tried to play it. And it broke. Immediately. The audio portion of the tape had been glued to the leader and the glue failed.
Well, I'll be damned if my mother wants to hear her mother's voice before she dies and can't, so I took the tape downstairs, cranked it into a vice, used a coping saw to cut two small slits - about an inch apart - on the side of the tape that had the leader on it, used a file to remove the edge of the tape case along that one inch section, then gently pried away a one inch strip of the side. Then we re-threaded the tape. It only takes five words to write, but it took more than five swear words to re-thread the tape. Then we spliced the leader back on to the audio tape with Scotch tape and played it for my mother.
Because when your Mommy wants her Mommy, you do the best you can.
For those of you who are looking for timely, accurate updates on my mother's condition or are part of the coordinated support effort, please check Mara's blog. My sister, who is amazing, has been doing most of the outside communication and coordination.
We've got a lot of people to thank. The outpouring of support has been tremendous. I feel honoured to have had a mother so well loved that the community has supported us so selflessly. There are people from my parents church, the Baha'i Faith, who stop by on some days with food for the family. There are people from my mothers work who have coordinated with the folks from the Baha'i Faith to make sure that there are meals for everyone every day. There are folks at St. John Vianney Catholic church, which is my best friend's mother's church, who have made food for us - and my best friend's mother, like an angel, let Rachael and I join her and her entire extended family for dinner one night.
My mother's boss, Merry, has been out three times, even though it's nowhere near on the way home, to check on her and to reassure her that everything has been taken care of at work.
My mother has been worried that her desk wasn't clean, that her paperwork wasn't done, and Merry's been taking care of all of that.
I'm not even sure how to begin thanking people.
And you, the people who read my blog, have sent me so many emails that I haven't been able to answer them all. If I haven't gotten to you yet, I'm sorry. I will.
Finally, my mother says to love each other and forgive everything, without exception.
Comments
Nathan, I just left this comment on Mara's blog, but it bears repeating:
We are thinking of all of you and praying for you. We are so glad you have each other and can be together during these days.
Posted by: merseydotes | January 2, 2008 5:20 PM
Unconditional love--you're mom is so good at it. The hardest thing in the world to accomplish. Something everyone needs to remeber when you hurt the most, when yo are so angry at someone.
Love,
Nadine
Posted by: Nadine | January 2, 2008 9:14 PM
I am sorry for what you are experiencing but pray that you have peace in knowing that soon your mother will meet her maker and be reunited with her mother. my mother was recently diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and our world has turned upside down. i can't eat, sleep, or imagine my life without my very best friend. she is in chemo and is handling very well. i fear the day that she doesn't respond so well. i'd like to believe that my mom will be miracle, and some days i really do think she will.
may God comfort you and your family during this very difficult time. i refuse to believe that death is the end of us, but rather just a passage way into eternal life. you and your family will be in my prayers and in my most intimate conversations with God i will ask that he gives you strength and courage in the upcoming weeks.
Posted by: Lissett | January 3, 2008 3:45 AM
Nathan,
Your writing about your mom is so beautiful and so touching.
As you go though these difficult days, please remember that there is a whole community here at the college thinking of and praying for your family. Stephanie's work here has touched endless numbers of people. In addition to coworkers and colleagues who know and love her, there are literally hundreds of women whom she has assisted and influenced over the years. There are so many stories of times when a women would appear at the Women's Center in need of help and Stephanie was there, with a listening ear, deep reserves of personal empathy and plenty of resources. She has really made her mark here at Lakeland. We are blessed that she spent her time with us and and we will deeply miss her. Our thoughts and hearts are with you, her precious and beloved family.
Posted by: Gloria Lane | January 3, 2008 6:14 PM