Dear Mama,
So life has been busy since we found out my amniotic fluid was low and baby Sonya's growth slowed rather dramatically. Apparently, this is how my pregnancies go. My fluid got really low (or the doc who did the ultrasound was stingy), but someone suggested grapes and pears had helped them, so I thought, "what's the harm?" I ate 4 pounds of pears and 3 bags of grapes in a week (with some help). My fluid levels are back into the normal range. Are the pears and grapes what did it? Don't know - but I'm not going to mess around. And heck, I like pears and grapes! I may not want to eat them ever again after this, though!
I'm 36 weeks now. In two weeks is Thanksgiving. With Liam, at 38 weeks, you were already holding him. Today, Mark has the day off for Veteran's Day, so I think we're going to set up the crib and get some other stuff ready.
It's hard not to think of you often these days. To think about how much it meant to me to have you there with me when I delivered Liam. To think about how much you would love who Liam has become. To think about what you would have been busy knitting for baby Sonya. To think about how you and Papa would've come down to care for Liam together while Mark and I were in the hospital. To think about how your very existence was so reassuring to me.
Yesterday, I saw a couple in a bookstore. She had on a wool poncho and was talking on her cell. She sashayed her way over to her husband, twirled the phone toward him and sing-sang "there's someone on the phone who wants to talk to you!" with a certain sparkle in both her eye and her voice. I knew it was a grandchild. I winced. Visibly. And then I realized that if Mark and I both live to the point that we get to enjoy grandchildren together, part of me will feel guilty. Truly. But hey, we all know I'm getting way ahead of myself.
Mama, I'm sorry you had to go through parenthood without your mama, too. It's awful.
I love you and I miss you,
Mara
