September 2008 Archives

Okay, so I have to tell you about the wedding. Who else will listen to every single little detail?

Nathan and Ingrida got married last weekend. It was awesome. I certainly hope they feel the same way.

The immediate family was all in town by Thursday and we had a fabulous barbecue to celebrate my father's birthday. He got a big flat screen television. I'm pretty sure he's stoked. Nathan was handing out gifts for his wedding. Mendon got a leather-bound journal with his name engraved in it. Rachael got a treasure chest. I kid you not. Everything that it sounds like that might entail, it does. Let your imagination go wild, yup that's in there, too. Seriously, it was freaking awesome. Even Liam thought it was awesome.

Friday, the sisters-in-law all went out for tea. Again, awesome! I had (homemade) mint chocolate chip cheesecake. Need I say more?!?!?!

Saturday morning, we all dashed off to do the obligatory hairstyling. In the rain. Ehn, whatever, it's fun to be fussed over. Nathan got a massage and was MUSH.

We got over to the hall and started setting up. It took quite a while, but seriously, I think the plates were my favorite part. Oh. My. Goodness. Freaking awesome. Does anyone have photos?!?! That's one of the best darn ideas I think I've ever had. (random plates from thrift shops I spent the summer collecting). Lots of people took their plates home. It was grand.

Glitches: forgot to give Ingrida her bouquet before the ceremony (oops!), forgot to tell Nathan that, if he wished, he could back out, I would take care of everything (family tradition), forgot to bring Latvian wooden spoons to ceremony (favors - oops!). Umm, that's pretty much it! Oh, Mark forgot his camera. Too bad.

It was SOOO humid, I mean SOOOOOOOO humid. The floor was sweating. Seriously.

Ceremony: Glorious. Just. Freaking. Glorious. Is everyone agreed? It was beautiful. Perfect. I loved every minute of it. My uncle wrote me a note thanking me for it (I emceed). I think he put it really well:

Dear Mara,
Just wanted to thank you so much for including your mother in the ceremony in such a meaningful way. [I dug up an email from my mother to Ingrida welcoming her to the family]
There were few dry eyes in the salon at that moment and our awareness of your mother’s presence was greatly heightened.
Great ceremony. Mendon read so well. Wonderful humor. Rumi. Dancing by the light of the moon. Latvian tradition. Even science and religion. My goodness.
Congratulations to all.
Uncle Gene

So, yeah, it was awesome. It was potluck. The food was delicious. And Nathan and Ingrida went home with all the recipes as wedding gifts!

Many went on to the 'after-party' at a nearby brewery. I went home with Liam and a migraine (shocking, really), but so happy. There were some superstars that helped clean up after the reception. You know who you are. You are ROCK STARS. I'm sure Nathan and Ingrida will thank you appropriately ;-)

The next day, the party continued with a barbecue, mostly with family, which was really wonderful. Finally, the few remaining went to the beach, and then we headed home.

In the middle of the remnants of hurricane Ike. Oops. We came home to no power. The city is still recovering. Five days later. I have relatives in Houston with power. I have friends here in Columbus who won't have power for another 2-3 days. Crazy. I tell you what, when you can't go grocery shopping, it really sets you thinking.

Finally, Liam.

He's exploding!! His vocabulary is all over the place. His farm animals are now "ous" ... that'd be "horse". When I'm putting him to bed, he now asks for "bed", which, quite honestly, is a testament to moi. With much work on my part, he now falls asleep in the bed, as opposed to my arms. Yippee! Tonight, our friend babysat him. When she left, we were saying goodbye. Liam was waving his hand, saying "bye-bye" and something we couldn't catch. Finally, we realized.

Oh! My! Goodness! What a milestone!!

He was saying "Bye bye, Liam!" LIAM! He said his name!!!

Now, wasn't it worth reading all the way to the end? Well, melt my heart and call me goo!

p.s. today I received a beautiful card from my former co-workers in Israel conveying their personal condolences to me. It was beautiful. Thank you, dear friends. It is something I will cherish the rest of my life.

p.p.s. as great as the weekend was, my mother is still dead. and now my brother is married. I am now seriously struggling to find energy to get through the day, let alone figuring out direction, purpose ... life is definitely a struggle right now. But I do love my family so very much!

I imagine them all throwing their heads back, laughing uproariously at memories.

They're out at a late dinner, celebrating Nathan and Ingrida, who are getting married tomorrow.

I'm home, at my parents' home, alone with my sleeping toddler.

I can't believe my father has remained in their house all this time and can still put complete sentences together.

All I can think about is my mother.

I've been running, running, running. Chasing a toddler to avoid the pain, the grief. It's a good excuse, isn't it?

I can't avoid it here.

Nope.

I'm falling into a million little pieces.

And our damn AT & T phones don't work so close to the lake.

I'm supposed to MC the wedding tomorrow. It's a wedding, not a funeral.

All I can think about is my mother. All I can think about is my mother. All I can think about is my mother.

But I can't remember her. It's too big. If I remember her, I will definitely fall into a million little pieces.

I have to remember her sometime. Is there a good time to fall into a million little pieces?

Okay, I was planning on doing it, but Mendon was the impetus (a.k.a. kick in the petarkus).

I've updated my YouTube site. So, just roll your mouse on over to the right side of the screen, find "My YouTube", click on it, and enjoy! There are 4 new videos, some of which are already a few months old, but you know, whatever.

Can you tell, of late, that I'm lacking a bit of direction, deep thought ... or, you know, much of anything interesting to say? Okay, okay, that's assuming I ever had any of that in the first place.

Our family is changing. I imagine I'm not the only one who senses that. Instead of my mother being connected to us and up-to-date on all of our lives, we are trying to do that all ourselves. It certainly isn't that our mother stood in the way, but she was the only one doing that much work to stay in touch with all of us, I think. Not to say that we were all shabby about - Nathan set up these blogs, Rae is great at writing letters and sending little gifts, Mendon would call. We all made efforts, but now, well now we just simply all do a lot more legwork. It is as if our very lives depended upon it. At least, that's how I feel. I feel as if, even for one minute, I become disconnected from one of my siblings or my father, that something awful will happen.

Shortly after my father headed home on Friday morning, I went out for something in the same direction that he had gone, and I had horrible visions of finding his car on the highway. I tried to wait patiently for his phone call to tell me he had returned home safely.

I sometimes think about one of us dying, or even being told about some serious illness we'll have to deal with, and how that would effect our family right now. I cringe.

I saw greeting cards for "grandparents day" - hello greeting card holiday! - except, I didn't think "how phony", I thought, wow, if I really wanted to wound my father, I'd send him one of those, 'cause, wow, doesn't that hurt? Boo. Yuck.

On the bright side, I'm looking into joining a motherless daughters support group at a hospice here in town. At this point, it sort of feels like another chore, but I suspect it may be just what I need. I know my mother would recommend it to me.

Blargh.

By the way, Papa, Liam now runs to the door with his big bubble makers and says, "bubbles? bubbles? out? out?" And he'll randomly say, "Goon-dah. Goon-dah" (his version of "Goompah)