Everything, Nothing, and I'm a Middle Child

Now, granted, I don't have to pay for a number of things usually associated with cost of living expenses (but then, I also don't exactly receive a salary, either).

However, I would like to see a show of hands of all the people who think US$20 is NORMAL for a bottle of contact lens solution. Now, I am talking normal, run of the mill, not even Bausch & Lomb brand contact lens solution. I think in the States I normally paid $7 for a bottle.

Whoever thinks that living here is cheap - think again. Even for those of you who are coming here on pilgrimage ... start saving your pennies, this place ain't cheap. Of course, you can find things for cheap ... but then, they're cheap.

Fortunately, we don't usually have to pay $20 for a bottle of contact lens solution. The Baha'i World Centre has its own grocery store, and we usually pay "only" $12 for it... such a deal!

I had a bit of a crazy day today. I didn't go to work today because I had a migraine yesterday and I'm still feeling some residue. I figured 8 hours of reading, writing, & staring at the computer probably wasn't the best way to ward off a migraine. I slept until noon - yummy. I had a super busy day on Saturday - starting at 5:30 am, so this felt good. I had to go to the pharmacy, as I was out of migraine medication. So, I headed out ... to find out the pharmacy was closed for another hour. Ugh. So, I wandered around ... headed back, got my prescription, and then realized I'd lost my bus pass! So much for trying to ward off my migraine... I'm still okay, but then it's always a bit of a bummer to realize you've lost $5 essentially. No biggy, just a bummer.

Yesterday was really cool, but totally exhausting. It was my "Bahji Day". Everyone serving here has one, usually about 6 months after you arrive (they got behind). So, we went out to Bahji - and went to the Shrine of Baha'u'llah for dawn prayers. A nice thing to do - occassionally. Afterward we had a talk from the custodian of the area. He told us some cool stories from the days of Baha'u'llah and 'Abdu'l-Baha (the eldest son of Baha'u'llah).

Then we had breakfast and headed out to the garden of Ridvan, which also happens to have been one of the first places Baha'u'llah went to once He was permitted to leave the prison city of Akka. It's a lovely area, though bug repellent is definitely a good idea out there. The custodian of that area also spoke to us and that was SOOOO cool. Mr. Ferdowsi's father was asked by 'Abdu'l-Baha to come to be the gardener for Ridvan. He came and for 7 years he asked to go back home (once a year). Each year he was told no, finally, after 7 years he asked whether his family could join him. 'Abdu'l-Baha said "Now that is the right question." And sent for the man's family. I'd heard the story before but it was amazing to hear it from the man's son!

Afterward we went to the mansion of Mazra'ih. This is a beautiful, simple home and was Baha'u'llah's first residence after leaving Akka. There is an amazing spirit that resides there. I haven't felt that way at any of the other holy places I've visited. Not that I've felt nothing everywhere, but this place was joyful - I guess - in a way others haven't been... it's hard to describe.

Then we headed back to Bahji for lunch, and concluded with a wonderful talk by Mr. Barnes, one of the members of the Universal House of Justice (the highest level of elected Baha'i administration). It was a lovely talk, though I was already beginning to have inklings of the oncoming migraine by then.

Wow, what a shift of topic from what I originally started talking about!

Posted by Mara at 03:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I just found out that the French aunt with whom I am in contact (for the first time in 27 years)... her husband will be going to visit Iran. Pleasure trip. My mother said "wow, foreign concept." That's putting it lightly. I may never be able to go in my life time! Uh, now, why would I want to go? Well, that's where the Baha'i Faith started. And, once upon a time, there were Baha'i holy places there - though most have now been desecrated and demolished by the State, including homes, temples, and cemeteries. Yup, cemeteries - bulldozed and replaced with a parking lot... Not a very nice thing to do.

For those of you who don't know, Iran doesn't like Baha'is. In fact, just by being a Baha'i you are breaking the law in Iran because you believe in someone 'after' Muhammed (He was the 'Seal of the Prophets'). Many Iranian Baha'is have been martyred simply for being a Baha'i. Many more have lost everything because Baha'is are technically not considered human beings there, so their property is 'up for grabs'. They also can not hold jobs with the government, get an education, etc., etc., etc. Recently, Iran has changed tactics. Since they haven't managed to 'eradicate' the Baha'is (350,00 some odd in Iran), they've decided to make it very, very easy to leave the country, whereas it used to be nigh unto impossible to leave. Of course, we don't really want all the Baha'is to have to leave - we want conditions to improve... we shall see.

On the other hand, erm, I'd love to meet my new-found French relatives. Unfortunately, the French government seems to think I owe them taxes from when I worked at the Universite d'Angers. I asked the university about it, and they told me that had never happened to any other lecturer before - and left it at that. Grr. And 1000 Euros (and compounding) is a lot of money. I need to look into whether I can enter France without, well, running into problems... How frustrating!! I tried explaining to the government that I didn't owe them money. Yeah, you can imagine how successful that was!! Oh well. We'll see.

Posted by Mara at 03:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Want to know what I'm thinking? Me too...

I like my job. In fact, most days, I love my job. I'm so happy with it sometimes I'm surprised. People don't usually get to LIKE their job. On the other hand, I know that I only have the job for less than another two years. How do I come to terms with that? Other than the obvious - enjoy it while it lasts. How do I not think of the future? I now have expectations of enjoying my job ... I want to find something else I can enjoy as much!

There are also a few other potholes, so to speak, of enjoying the good life here in Israel. I'm fairly well taken care of here. I buy my groceries at the 'company store' if you will, only venturing out to a real grocery store - where I have to pay with real money if our Food Centre doesn't carry some special ingredient, which is amazingly rare. If something isn't working in my completely furnished apartment, I just call the Works Department (again, another part of the Baha'i World Centre) and they come fix it. Yeah, most everything I need is taken care of here. I feel like I need to remember that's not how it usually is - not 'out there' in the 'real world'.

I don't even know where I'm going with this, other than the fact that I'm a planner. And a worrier. And yet - I am so happy here! I get to work in a fabu job and then, in my free time, I can head over to the holy shrines and pray to God. Rough life. It's funny, I could be praying for eveything under the sun, but I find that I have very little to 'ask for'. I usually spend most of my time in the Shrines praying for my friends and family. Though probably my favoritest moments are when Mark and I go up to the threshold in one of the shrines together. It's the most amazingly perfect unity I have experienced with Mark, praying with him - silently - at the Threshold of our Lord.

Posted by Mara at 08:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It's been a while, eh? I know, I know... and I need to perk it back up again, no?

Well, my mother is off to Mexico for two weeks and I am thrilled to bits for her. I really can't wait to hear about her experience. I realize now that she went last year and I never got to hear about it. We were busy selling our house and getting out of the country ourselves.

It looks like Mark and I are going to take a brief trip to Scotland in April to visit my brother, Nathan. I can't WAIT to get out of here for a while and just hang out in Edinburgh - a city I fell in love with the last time I was there!

I have had more extended contact with a French relative of mine, I suppose she's my aunt as she is around my mother's age, Isabelle. Turns out one of my cousins was in Angers while I was - bummer! Now she's back - studying English where I was teaching it! Crazy, eh? This is such an exciting adventure for me. I've always said I studied French to get to know that side of my family better, and now it's paying off. I really can get to know them better now! Yay!!

I'm currently taking a moral leadership course (I mentioned it a while back). It is surpassing all my expectations. I'm thrilled. I'm implementing it whenever I can think of it (granted, I'm not always thinking...). These are the tools I have longed for ... for years.

Well, dinner is about to be served. I'm not fasting, but don't want to be last in line with a bunch of people who are!

Posted by Mara at 03:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I’m not the most excellent person in the world at dealing with anger.

Is rejection even an emotion related to anger? Yeah, I think so. I am angry that I have been rejected, I suppose. I think it is unjust, and well, I’m a big fan of justice.

I don’t think I’ll ever go to the Youth Photo again. This pains me slightly because it seems to be a joyful occasion for others (and I am considered a youth here – disconcerting in and of itself, but true). In any case, they have a youth photo here twice a year. Everyone is invited up the stairs of the Seat of the Universal House of Justice, and they take a picture (or about 30 is more like it).

Well, I’ve been here for 2 youth photos now. I was stood up at one and stepped upon (not literally) at the other. Gee, sorry, I didn’t realize I was your doormat… (grr).

After the youth photo, the youth break up into little groups, taking pictures of their own. Not that I’m ever asked to be in a picture, but whatever. Normally, I’d just leave anyway. But I always end up planning to meet someone there. So I get to stand around being invisible for a while. Yay. Fun. At the first one, the sole reason I went to the photo was to meet up with someone to watch a movie. I waited and waited. Until she walked off with someone else, with whom she fairly clearly had plans. Okay, whatever, I don’t need to approach her about it just to be told she has other plans – that’s apparent. No need to get trampled twice.

This last youth photo, I was also waiting for a group of people. Again, I stand there and wait while the others take oodles and oodles of pictures together. Again, whatever. Then, a girl comes up, starts talking to me, someone else comes up and says, “I should take a picture”, so we pose … and he just walks away. Okaaaaay. So she pulls out her camera and says, “we should still take one”, except at the same time another girl walks up – hands me her camera, and asks me to take a picture of her with the girl I was standing next to. Of course, no prob. I do – with each of their cameras. And then they both just walked away… ouch. That hurt. Me chopped liver? Having my foot stepped upon would have hurt much less.

Not that I think that someone not taking my picture is an injustice. It is the somewhat callous treatment I receive from others I find painful. I imagine they don't do it intentionally - if I've ever done it to somebody it certainly wasn't intentional. But then, I suppose that's part of it - do they think so little of me that they don't realize what they are doing might have an effect upon me?

Am I just grossly exaggerating and I should just suck it up and get over it? How do I even get over it? It's not as if it's even consequential enough to approach the individuals.

Some days, emotions just don't seem worth having.

Posted by Mara at 08:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

It is the first day of the Fast. 3:23 in the afternoon (duh)

2 hours and 15 minutes to go... actually, it's not so bad. As usual, we get all het up about it - dreading it (at least to a certain to degree: "how will I make it through?"), and then, well, you just do. It would be better if my throat wasn't sore, but I'm told I don't have strep - what can you do? Gargle, gargle, gargle.

Wow - I'm just drawing a blank. What to say... perhaps this is a side effect of the fasting.

Here's something I've been meaning to say for a while: sometimes I forget I'm in Israel. What's more, I easily forget that I am now living in the Middle East, on the Asian continent! I can go days without any Hebrew being spoken, and if I stick to my neighborhood I may not even see it on street signs.

What with everyone speaking English where I work - and a large number are from North America, plus these are the same people I "play" with, it can actually be sort of easy to forget. We have our own grocery store - so I rarely go to the public grocery stores.

It also doesn't look wildly different. Granted large parts of Israel are not exactly attractive (war-time buildings = UGLY!), most cities look like, well, cities. So I forget - until I miss my family and friends back home.... Even then, some of the people back in the States are cheaper to call from Israel than from home! Can you believe it? We've got set rates that the Baha'i World Centre has worked to get us - for every place under the sun (literally), and, fortunately for me, it is super cheap to call the U.S. Not that I call often, but at least when I do it is cheap.

Posted by Mara at 01:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This past Friday, Mark and I had an opportunity to visit the International (Baha'i) Archives. This is normally something one does on pilgrimage. We are only permitted to do this once a year while serving here. It was, needless to say, an amazing experience. [the photo was taken of us on our way to the visit, directly behind us is the Seat of the Universal House of Justice - I work in the dome]

In the Baha'i Faith, we only have one photograph of Baha'u'llah, the Prophet-Founder. It is housed in the Archives. This makes the opportunity to see a His picture very, very, very special. For example, I am the first person in my nuclear family to see the picture of Baha'u'llah.

Mark describes the experience thusly: Last Friday, I saw the photograph of Baha'u'llah for the first time... I finally understand E.G. Browne's description. I saw every single noble emotion at once in that Face. I was completely unprepared. What struck me most is that He seemed to be gazing at past present and future at once. Everything seemed so obvious for Him, and looking at His eyes, you could see His completely selfless plea for us to just follow God's Will... our destiny is so glorious, if only we would follow the clear path He has laid out for us. For that one moment, I truly knew what Certitude is...

Of course, the experience is different for everybody. I agree with Mark's above statements, but I also came to the realization that I am not a Baha'i, nor do I believe in Baha'u'llah because of who He was physically. As Mark said, the past, present and future is embodied in Him. Baha'u'llah is so much more than his physical being, for He is also all of the teachings that He bestowed upon humanity. I am very grateful that we do not have photos of Baha'u'llah everywhere, as that would have definitely trivialized our experience in the Archives building.

Posted by Mara at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)