Everything, Nothing, and I'm a Middle Child

Liam is exploding a mile a minute these days. His vocabulary is beyond counting anymore. If I ask him to say, "geek", he does, and then if I ask him, "who is a geek?" He replies, "Daddy." Hahahaha! Oh, and he counts and sings the alphabet - at least parts - he gets partial credit. He likes to play with cars and trains, and he likes to clean up (yahoo!) and wear socks on his hands. He likes to give us kisses when he first wakes up in the morning (often waking us up this way).

And then, there's me. I don't even know where I am. Tomorrow marks one year since my mother died. I'm downing a tub of ice cream as I write this (some of you are aware that is not typical Mara behavior). My sister's calendar of Maman remembrances helps. Each day, I do something on the calendar, even if it's not the one for that specific day. I have no plans to take it down once January is over, either.

We're planning a bonfire here in town (you are all welcome, if you are able) on Friday to commemorate her ascension. I haven't exactly decided the layout - shall we roast marshmallows, as she would've enjoyed, or is the fire somehow sacred? I've asked my sister to read her eulogy - because it's awesome. I'm considering writing something to read - and perhaps something to write, seal and simply burn. We'll see.

I've begun to be diagnosed with a seemingly endless litany of stuff I need to deal with. An on-line thing I had to fill out for Mark's employer informed me I was struggling with depression. Thank you, computer/big brother, for your infinite astuteness.

I have several different options beginning to open up for me professionally - I feel almost overwhelmed with several truly interesting choices, and disappointed that I simply can't do it all, especially because I cannot bear to part with my son and put him in some sort of child care. Please don't read that as a judgment on child care. I just know I'm not up to it, personally.

Hmmm...end on happy note...we got plants for the third floor - it really makes it feel more cozy (and helps absorb stinky new paint chemicals). We also went out and bought the 'leftovers' of Christmas lights for 60 cents a box. We're going to put them up in the basement and convert part of it to a 'formal dining area' for use when we have guests over for meals. Fun!

There, see? I have happiness in my life.

Father and son, having fun: