Compelled
I feel compelled to write down my thoughts. It's been a while, and I find I get fixated on thoughts until I can share them. So, in a random order, often unrelated, here's a brief hit of my life, 'cause, you know, I know you care.
1. Liam has learned how to slide off of furniture. This is pretty cool. It means he's a lot less likely to fall off and hurt himself if I'm not watching. Besides, it's just so cute to watch him anticipating reaching the floor - and that second of panic before he gets there.
2. My mother is dead. And you know what? I will be a poorer human being, unable to live as good a life, to live up to a higher potential as I could have if she were around to continue to guide me. Sometimes I think "what would she say/do?" And I can't come up with it, because she always managed to provide me with knowledge I didn't have. This sucks. This sucks rocks. This sucks rocks hard. This sucks rocks unbelievably hard. This sucks rocks so unbelievably hard I cannot begin to describe it. This will continue to suck rocks unbelievably hard for the REST OF MY LIFE. This sucks.
3. umm. I sort of got derailed. Let me regroup.
4. Oh right. Liam had his IFEC (Interdisciplinary Feeding Evaluation Clinic) appointment. Guess what? HE'S FINE. Yes, I'm yelling. 'Cause you know what? I KNEW THAT. On the other hand, it is always nice as a parent to be told that your kid is fine and that you are doing everything fine, too. So, yeah, he's fine. He's developing normally, his iron level is almost back up to normal. In fact the hematologist told us he's her star patient - usually it takes parents' a year to get kids back up to normal from where he was.
Yeah, that's pretty much my world in a nutshell at the moment.
Oh yeah! Mark is playing camera stuff of late (spring break). Take a look!
Comments
mara, as usual i don't think your blog will "approve" this comment, but i leave it anyway in case you one day see it and know that i'm thinking of you.
i'm thinking of you. you and the loss of your precious mother are still very much on my mind. i remember you both in my prayers every day. i love you.
and i love liam! he is such a beautiful child. thank God he is also healthy and happy!
love,
leila
Posted by: leila | March 24, 2008 2:54 AM
1. Is Liam walking (unassisted) yet -- question from my mom and sis (and me)?
2. Yes, your mother is dead. And you ARE NOT and will NOT be a poorer human being. You have taken so much from your (too short) time with your mother, and you were able to learn more from her (and you really DO know "What Would Mom Do"), than most people with mothers still living (INCLUDING ME!!!).
3. Derail. You need that once in a while. I (though 600 and some odd miles away from you), am always a phone call away if you need to vent. Just to listen. I just wish you and I could spend an evening at a coffee shop like we did before we grew up and had separate lives.
4. And YAY! So nice to have "professional confirmation" of something that you knew! :)
:)
I can't wait to go home and see what Mark's done with the camera!!!!
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My updates . . . check my Winkflash pics; I've put some new ones up (including ultrasounds and a couple pregnancy pictures). Grace has been SOOOO active! It's been great, because John can feel her from the outside ... and the boys (Mike&Sandy's kids) have felt her. Both the 14-year-old and the 10-year-old both responded with HUGE smiles and "wow"s. :) I'm absolutely LOVING this pregnancy thing!! What? You want something even cooler than that?? Daddy has shifted his statements from the "one and done" perspective to planning/registering for the possibility that we may have more. :) YOU know how happy that makes ME!!!
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So that was a long rant ... hug your husband and your son for me ... talk to you soon. Much love from both of us! :)
Posted by: Crys | March 25, 2008 6:14 PM
Crys, no Liam is not yet walking unassisted.
Thanks
Oh, and I have actually been to your photo site ... just never got around to telling you. You'll understand IMMENSELY very soon ;-)
And Daddy? Hmmm.... Heheheheh. I think having Liam did the REVERSE for me!!! Hahahahaha!
Posted by: Mara | March 25, 2008 6:35 PM
I hope Grace doesn't do that for us. I am experiencing things now and plainning/hoping/doing things now that I never thought I would. :) I'm sure I will understand ... but for now, I'm enjoying the ride! :)
Posted by: Crys | March 25, 2008 10:32 PM
Leila, I'm not sure why my blog thinks your URL is evil, but I think that's what does it. In any case, thank you.
Posted by: Mara | March 26, 2008 9:49 PM