The Next Chapter
First, cool event: we were walking down the street in Pittsburgh this past weekend and it was snowing lightly. I was looking down to watch my footing (pregnant bellies don't exactly stabilize your balancing abilities) and I happened to catch a snowflake on my scarf. Now, those of you not familiar with snow, individual snowflakes tend to be small and fairly, well, unexciting. You can't usually SEE the intricate designs and patterns so widely touted. However, this snowflake was huge! It was large enough for me to call Mark & Tammy's attention to it and we all stared at it for a bit. It was hexagonal, with a spoke coming off each side. It was a precious little moment.
On to the next chapter, as per Sjona's request.
We met with the midwife again on Monday.
***Warning: This May Be Too Much Information For You - Enter At Your Own Risk***
I had my first cervical exam. Let's just say it's a whole different ball game when you're pregnant - especially third trimester. My dearest friends who plan on getting pregnant some day, here's some warning: prepare to fight the desire to kick your provider in her teeth and don't be surprised when the worst concoction of cuss words comes immediately to mind when your partner tries to calm and relax you so that the provider can get on with her business.
It probably didn't help that this was how our visit started, but then when I went on to ask the questions that I had prepared about the labor and delivery it seemed like for some reason the midwife went on the defensive. Are they not used to women asking questions and trying to understand, be prepared and maintain some control over their birth experience?
It seemed a little as if she expected me to pull out a shotgun and shoot anyone who said I should have an epidural. Whereas, what I said was "I don't want an epidural, but I would like to know when my window of opportunity is narrowing." Among other things. I left feeling like I'd loss some of my power. And frankly, I think power is important in labor. Not in a control way, but an empowered way.
In any case, we went to Lamaze class last night and some of my questions were answered better there. Furthermore, I will have either a doula (a friend who happens to be a certified nurse midwife) or my mother (or both) there to run interference. I hadn't decided whether I wanted my mother there or not, but especially after that visit, I know my mother has two absolutely valuable skills for this particular task:
1. an ability to translate (or speak on my behalf) in a way that the medical staff will respond
2. experience - not to mention that I got much of my attitude about childbirth from her, so I know we're mostly on the same page and she'll respect my wishes on the few things where we differ
I certainly hope Anne can be there to doula, but seeing as how she works as a midwife herself, it just may happen she's working when I'm in labor, so I'm glad I've got other support people I know and trust.
And yes, of course Mark will be with me - but seeing as how he has the abovementioned skills as much as I do, well, he has a different function. I must admit, it's a bit frustrating to know that the people who are best positioned to help have already done it. It's kind of like wedding planning - now that I'm married I'm much more knowledgeable about wedding planning. So much for that skill. Maybe that's why so many women go on to have another baby.
Comments
Mara, I am most impressed with how you go about this pregnancy business. I hope that when/if the time comes here, I have my wits about me like you. You have such good foresight to know what you will need--someone to be your voice on your behalf, to help you feel like what you are: an active participant in this amazing event. I took a nursing class a couple quarters back (which contained me [the lone public health student] and a bunch of nurse midwives), and from what I understand from studies that have been done, women who are most satisfied with their birthing experience are the ones who felt like they were able to maintain control over the process. So good on you. I'm cheering you on from 3,000 miles away; I hope you can hear me!
Posted by: Amelia McGee | March 22, 2007 7:57 AM
Amelia, she is amazing, isn't she? I've not yet gone through childbirth, and I hope that I have MY wits about me. Though, if our friend M reads this, knowing me the way she does, she may giggle - make that roar with laughter, knowing that the liklihood is pretty high that I would politely request (read: demandingly scream) for that precious little epidural. :)
Posted by: Crys | March 22, 2007 4:15 PM
I try not to give unsolicited assvice very often, but here is mine: It is important to go into labor knowing what you want. It is equally important to go into labor ready and willing to go with the flow, according to whatever your body and the baby need.
I thought that I would go for a long time without an epidural (could I make it through to delivery?), but when the pain hit, I was crippled. Turns out I was in back labor the whole time, though no one figured it out until I'd been pushing for two hours, the epidural stopped working and I nearly blacked out from the pain for almost ninety minutes. (Basil and I refer to that time as the 'hour of power.') Once the epidural was reset, I was able to actually participate in the birth of my child, which involved having a nurse turn Petunia in the womb so she could be born. Petunia's birth was nothing like I had planned in my head, but it didn't matter at the end of the day. The way I visualized things was in conflict with my body and my baby, and it was more important to go with the flow.
Good luck, Mara!
Posted by: merseydotes | March 22, 2007 6:06 PM
I admit to feeling a bit overwhelmed by the responsibility of acting as Mara's advocate. Wow! That is a lot of responsibility. I guess I'd better bring myself up to speed on Mara's birth plan.
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