Everything, Nothing, and I'm a Middle Child

Life is just so good right now. Things in my life have come together so well for me I can't really imagine it getting much better. On several levels.

Our marriage went from plummeting into a spiralling murky abyss up to flying high with the kites. I feel like I'm walking on air - watch the bounce to my step. It'll be five years on Friday, and it feels to me like I've discovered my marriage - so much about it. I wonder now, was there a certain reserve I was keeping from Mark? I know it sounds twisted, but I don't know how many times I thought "what if he dies tomorrow? I have to be able to cope." I think I may have actually kept a part of me closed from feeling a certain love for him for that reason. Hey, I said it was twisted. The good news is that I let that caged bird fly. And it feels wonderful. It's also allowed me a new vision of my marriage and of Mark. And the care and respect that Mark deserves with which I was perhaps not always forthcoming {I need no affirmatives about this from anyone who isn't my husband - thanks in advance}. I also feel like we've opened up to a certain freedom in our marriage. I don't know how to explain this. A detachment? Detachment about the other person's time, which makes us value, and thus structure, our time together a bit better. Our Saturday morning ritual, although having morphed, is as important as ever.

Anyway, I've also come to a deeper understanding about my work too.

I mean, I'm a translator for the Universal House of Justice. I think I can be a bit flippant about it at times. You know, "eh, whatever - we do what we can and 'they'll' just have to understand the original wasn't very grammatically correct." Now, first of all, before I go bashing myself, my disclaimer: I am a qualified and excellent translator. I know that. But something small happened recently - I was questioned about one word in a rather long translation - and I realized, wow that "they" I think about in vague terms has a lot of rather important stuff to do. The least I could do is make sure that what they're getting from me is as understandable as I can make it. I mean, I've got a pretty rockin' job, and one of the very oldest associated with the Baha'i World Centre. That is why Shoghi Effendi went to study at Oxford. Sooooo cooooool. To be a part of this is very humbling and invigorating all at once.

And a final word about babies: I think Mark and I are getting a bit of a grip on our intense desire to start a family. Granted, that desire is there, but we have made a choice. We don't need to be irritating about it. So, for now anyway, we've swung to the more positive side of wanting children.

I feel like I'm in a much saner place now. I'm surprised at how reclusive I've become. Of course, I am now holding what should be an office of 6 afloat by myself this week. Just about all I have the energy to do once I get home is surf the net a bit, eat dinner and sleep.

I took some awesome pictures at Bahji this weekend. You should be able to find them on Flickr soon.