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April 16, 2010

Through the darkness find some light! No, make it brighter or become the dark.

The tunnel of loneliness has no light at the end of it. In fact there is no enduring end to it. Only the light directly near you or surrounding you. If you cannot expand the area of light around you in order to eliminate the whole tunnel of lonesome darkness, it feels as if it is futile to attempt to do so on your own. The facets of relationships remaining in your life defines the many emotings relevant to your happiness. If,for example, you have been abandoned by those you have loved over many years, it becomes terribly difficult to manifest much more than the great sadness resultant of that abandonment. It makes reaching out into that darkness a very misfortuned experience in constant living. I do now say I have been experiencing this type of abandonment since my dear Stephanie's death.

April 13, 2010

Time heals "all" wounds.....


I am convinced that he who believes time heals all wounds has not lost the most loved one in their life....
I am not recovering or trying to anymore...
I am selfishly pursuing some measure of happiness in what remains of my life....
Balancing the spectrum of emotions is probably the hardest thing I do these days.
Work gives me purpose only when I work. Friendships seem much more shallow lately. Even with those who could be more than friends. Almost noone speaks about Stephanie in any terms now except my children and my mother. My siblings are still unable to call to see how I am doing and it has been over two years.
I also know nobody reads these blogs anymore so I can pretty much say what I _ _ _ _ _ _ _ want to. Sad but true.
Recent events indicates to me all my children are moving away now for a variety of reasons. Soon(like in a year or so) not one of them will be within a one state travel.
I have lost all of my old friends of the last forty years or so. Abandoned really. It is a sad truth. So I am focusing on a few new friends to love. So far it has been a lot of work and mostly onesided. Maybe I need to broaden my focus.
I am only blogging to bring myself up to date on a coupla issues. Who knows when next I will blog? Only the "great blogger" knows.