I don't need no stinking snow...
The day started as all other days after a restless, dreamy, night. I went to the cemetery to say Mama's favorite prayers. Today was a bit different in a special way as Rae came in from Pittsburgh to be with me for this one year anniversary of Mommy dying. I am glad for her company. And her patience to listen to my babble about many many things(stuff). She read an Alice Walker poem over Mama's grave. I am just plain numb inside. My thoughts are numb, my feelings are numb. I don't know what to do next. So I will do nothing until something comes to mind. I love my kids more than they might like to know. It feels like I have to love them for two now. It feels heavy on my heart after this years pain and sadness. I miss Mommy in ways no words will ever be enough to endear.
Comments
One of the hardest things for me is not simply coccooning. I feel - as you clearly do too - that I have to try to help the whole family heal , not just me. I'm guessing each one of us feels this way ... Gotta check in with X, see how they're coping. Not that I don't want to, but I know it stresses me out.
Posted by: Mara | January 7, 2009 4:05 PM